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Stuck in an elevator at Miller Park

If I looked like Aaron Harang, I’d understand the Milwaukee Brewers trying to kidnap me. But he’s 6-6 and I’m 6-2. He doesn’t wear glasses and I do. He has a nasty slider and I don’t.

Nevertheless, they tried to keep me in Miller Park after Thursday afternoon’s game. As I left the stadium (or tried to leave it) I used the elevator behind the press box. I stepped in and the door closed. I pushed the buttons.

Nothing. I pushed. Nothing. I pushed and pushed and pushed. Nothing, nothing and nothing. The elevator wouldn’t budge and the doors wouldn’t open.

After five minutes, I called my wife, Nadine, in Dayton and was told, “I’m in Dayton and you’re in Milwaukee. What do you want me to do?” Good point. Then I heard MLB.com’s Mark Sheldon outside the door, talking on his cellphone. “Mark!” I screamed. “Mark, Mark, Mark!” Nothing, nothing, nothing.

I found a button on the control panel and pushed and a voice said, “May I help you?” I was tempted to say, “No, I just like a little voice accompaniment when I travel alone on an elevator.” But I didn’t. I screamed, “Help.”

Twenty minutes later and three minutes from Cocosville, the elevator suddenly descended and the door opened. I saw Mark Sheldon walking down the concourse. “Did you hear me yelling from behind the elevator door?” Said Sheldon, “I wondered. I kept hearing my name but I didn’t know where it was coming from.”

Now it was on to the loading dock to await personal cab driver Joe (that’s his real name, honest), whom I had called when I escaped the elevator without a governor’s pardon. I waited 20 minutes and a cab from the same company as Joe’s pulled up. It was raining dogs and dogs (the drops were too heavy for it to be raining cats and dogs).

I jumped in, but it wasn’t Joe. “Where’s Joe?” I asked. “I don’t know,” he said. I figured Joe was busy and sent somebody else or this guy hijacked Joe’s fare. When my cellphone rang en route to the airport and it was Joe cheerfully telling me, “I’m here at the stadium,” I knew I’d been hijacked.

Now I’m at the airport, the Midwest counter. A cheerful young woman directed me to a kiosk and when I told her I was legally blind and those things confounded me she offered to help. When it didn’t work, Miss Congeniality fled and said, “Wait here, an agent will help you.”

Twenty minutes later (20 minutes was the magic time on this day) an agent who had been pecking the Magna Charta on her computer looked up and said, “May I help you with something?” I was tempted to say, “No, I just like standing here with this big black suitcase staring at the Departures/Arrivals on the wall.” But I didn’t. It took 20 seconds for her to “help me.”

After a nice flight to Pittsburgh, although it was longer than 20 minutes, I had a cab ride from the airport to the city. That also lasted longer than 20 minutes and cost nearly the amount of the flight from Milwaukee to Pittsburgh.

Usually when a cab driver asks me why I am in town, I say, “a plumber’s convention.” End of conversation. This time I told the guy I was a baseball writer and for the next 45 minutes I was recited the History of the Pittsburgh franchise from Honus Wagner to John Candelaria to Jumpin’ Jack Flash.

But it made the time fly, although it was now close to midnight and I expected the hotel to say, “No room at the inn.” Instead, I was between the sheets in 20 minutes.

The Cincinnati Reds and Milwaukee Brewers never could have played Thursday without the roof. Some three inches of rain fell during the game and it was 37 degrees.

They’re expecting rain in Pittsburgh and lots of it this weekend. Although PNC Park is one of my two favorite parks (San Francisco’s is my favorite, although I’m not certain what its corporate name is this year), PNC does not have a roof. We might play, we might have a lot of 20-minute delays, we might have some postponements.

Said manager Dusty Baker, “I don’t think I’ve ever come to Pittsburgh when it hasn’t rained. And they have it timed. It always comes when it is our turn for batting practice.”

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By Scott Hoerner

April 14, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

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By myra

April 12, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

I love your blog. I have always appreciated your writing and now I get a dose most every day. Your stuck-in-the- elevator story blasted a barrage of helpless husband stories at Curves of Yellow Springs. Thanks for brightening my day. The last time I wrote to you was a few years ago regarding your use of RBIs (sic). I was impressed with your quick and thoughtful reply. Go REDS!

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April 12, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

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By Gary Maloy Jr.

April 11, 2008 7:05 PM | Link to this

I’m the guy who has already every single word about the Reds. Every day growing up. It was always the behind-the-scenes stuff -that appealed best. Mostly behind-the-scenes stuff regarding the players, but it’s just as entertaining to hear about the day-to-day activities of the writers and others. I can’t imagine being kidnapped in an elevator; much less being legally blind, in another city, in a building that closes. It’s good to know that you’re in Pittsburgh and that the blog will continue! I’d like to tag along on Steve’s question,Hal - didn’t writers previously travel with the team? Or was that back before the teams started flying, but rather travelled by train?

By Steve

April 11, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

Love the blog Hal! Like reading all the behind the scenes stuff. Was there ever a time that the beat writers got to travel with the team? I seem to remember Bob Hertzel and Earl Lawson traveling with the Reds. Maybe I’m wrong.

By Deaner

April 11, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

PNC is my favorite NL park. Camden Yards is my favorite park in the American League. Man! You’ve had a lot of problems in Mil-e-wau-kay , which by-the-way is Algonquin for “the good land.” At least you got cookies on your Midwest flight. Remember, I expect a scouting report on the pierogies.

By ctrent

April 11, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

haha typical… love it hal, love it enjoy your pnc delay, god knows we’ve had ‘em before
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