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Hall of Fame baseball writer Hal McCoy has retired from the Dayton Daily News after covering the Cincinnati Reds for 37 years. Hal's blog, though, will continue to be a must-read for Reds fans. He'll share his thoughts on the team this season and will file updates from Great American Ball Park. You also can catch Hal in print every Sunday in his popular Ask Hal columnHome > Blogs > The Real McCoy | Cincinnati Reds baseball news > Archives > 2009 > June > 23 > Entry
Votto: It all relates to his father’s death
It was all about his father — nothing more, nothing less.
During an amazing 15 minutes of candid monologue, Joey Votto told the media today how he bottled up his feelings about his dad’s death last August: “Put it on the back burner and played baseball” is how he put it.
But it all come bursting out this season, to the point where Votto said he thought he might die on the field in Milwaukee and to the point where he couldn’t make it through the night by himself and dialed 911 to take him to the hospital.
Votto took a bereavement leave of absence after his father, Joseph, died at age 52 — “The guy who listened to every Reds game, the guy who taught me the game, the guy who played catch with me every day.”
After the bereavement, Votto came back to the Reds and he said today, “The first day back I put it all on the back burner and just played baseball from August all the way to the end of September. I don’t want to use the word suppress, because he was in my thoughts and I was dealing with it daily, but as powerful a moment as it was to lose your father when he was so young, nevertheless, I did suppress it.
“From the end of the season until the beginning of spring training, I was severely depressed, dealing with the anxieties of sadness and fear and every emotion anybody goes through. I had a really difficult time with it. I was by myself in Florida and when baseball started back up in February I did the same thing I did last August — threw all my emotions aside and just played baseball again.”
Then came the inner ear infection. No baseball. More time to think.
“Taking the time away from baseball and recovering from being sick was the first time all my emotions that I had been pushing to the side, that I had been struggling with in the winter, nailed me and hit me, a hundred times more than I had been dealing with in the off-season,” he said.
“I came out of three separate games,” he said. “The first one (in Arizona) was a combination of me being ill, but I could tell something was going on because I couldn’t recover. I had this feeling of anxiety in my chest.
“Then the second time I came out (in San Diego) and it was similar, but the third time was in Milwaukee and I was just totally overwhelmed. Doctors told me I was dealing with being depressed with anxiety and panic attacks.
“It was overwhelming me where I had to go to the hosiptial on two occasions, once in San Diego,” he said. “Nobody was told about it, but I went to the hospital when the team was on the road (Milwaukee-St. Louis) but it was a very, very scary and crazy night. I had to call 911 at 3 or 4 in the morning — probably the scariest moment I’ve ever dealt with in my life.
“The days I was taken off the field were miniature versions of what I was dealing with by myself. Ever since late May I have been struggling with this in my private life. I’d go on the field and try to play well, but I couldn’t do it any more because I was overwhelmed physically with the stuff I was dealing with off the field finally seeped its way onto the field and I finally just had to put an end to it. I really couldn’t go out there. I physically couldn’t do my job.”
Vott has seen some doctors and is confident he is ready to return to the field and be productive. Speaking to people and letting them know what I’ve been dealing with, how difficult this grieving process has been, has helped.
Votto talked the his Reds teammates last week and talked a couple of times with manager Dusty Baker in the last week.
“I’m the oldest of four brothers and I feel I’m the head of the family,” he said. “Maybe I have a proclivity for anxiety and depression, whatever it is, but I was dealt with some unusual circumstances — the combination of being a major-league ballplayer, a young ball player, and also dealing with my father and my family.”
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By Voice of Reason
June 24, 2009 5:28 PM | Link to this
AB (Aaron Boone) is in L.A. determined to find Joey Votto’s agent and DEMAND to know the “real story” - you see when JV wanted to keep something private, it immediately meant nutjobs got to speculate that any reason was in play and it was JV’s own fault seeing as he wouldn’t tell us what was going on - and AB droned on and on with such stupidity and speculation - embarrassing himself constantly and being trashed on every board his was on - all in the name of “finding the truth” and AB was “censored” and - and - and … what an ego - what a dumba**.
By Cait
June 24, 2009 11:50 AM | Link to this
Welcome, back, Joey. We missed you. I just read the Toronto Star article, it’s similar, with a few additional details (www.thestar.com if you are interested)
By JB
June 24, 2009 1:52 AM | Link to this
I see that since JV has spoken you don’t see that a**hole AB around here now.I thought he knew everything
By ann
June 24, 2009 12:04 AM | Link to this
i hate the reds, but i do like joey v. guy can flat out PLAY.
By josh
June 24, 2009 12:03 AM | Link to this
Welcome back Joey!! That took major guts. And, “Tony is a moron,” while I agree with your assessment/annoyance of Guy Who Probably Yells Balk!, your point is nullified by your petty insult of girls who play soccer. Grow up.
By Shane
June 24, 2009 12:02 AM | Link to this
Thanks Joey! Thanks for proving that life extends beyond the white lines. Every true Reds fan and everyone with a love of the game is behind you!
By Tony is a moron
June 23, 2009 11:32 PM | Link to this
Tony, please go root for a girls soccer team because you have no clue about real sports. You are what I call a “ballpark idiot”. One of the fools that screams “BALK” whenever the pitcher moves because you have no clue about the game. Glad you are back Joey V, we are rooting for you.
By Tony
June 23, 2009 10:48 PM | Link to this
How Can The Pitchers On This Team Be Happy With Dusty With The Players He Starts And Order He Bat’a Them? Is This Fair To The Pitchers? Dusty Must Go!!!!!!!! He’s Never Going To Do Any Better Than 500
By bigdoc
June 23, 2009 9:53 PM | Link to this
Lots of progress, but no easy cure here. Luck to ya, young fella!
By Pharrell
June 23, 2009 9:53 PM | Link to this
Any baseball player who uses “proclivity” in a sentence is all right in my book. Welcome back, Joey.
By Phil Spaugy
June 23, 2009 9:29 PM | Link to this
God bless him. Losing your father is tough at any age and under any circumstance.
By Phil Spaugy
June 23, 2009 9:29 PM | Link to this
God bless him. Losing your father is tough at any age and under any circumstance.
By napoleon 2
June 23, 2009 9:01 PM | Link to this
powerful stuff. I didn’t realize Joeys dad was only 52. What were the circumstances surrounding his death? Losing a parent is bad enough, but perhaps the circumstances surrounding how he passed away added to this- just a hunch.
By Charlie
June 23, 2009 8:41 PM | Link to this
I’ve lost a child, a sister and my father. Time doesn’t heal, but it does make it easier to learn to live. All my best wishes are with you in your battle. You have a lot of folks pulling for you - God bless you!
By Kyle
June 23, 2009 7:39 PM | Link to this
What really sucks is every time you think of a question you would like to ask, reach for the phone and realize he isn’t there to call. God bless you, Joey. Hang in there. It gets easier.
By Jimmy1Time
June 23, 2009 7:28 PM | Link to this
Glad your back Joey! After I lost my only brother 3 years ago, I just shut down. I didnt’t go back to work for almost a month. My mind and body was tired. It was tough and still is tough losing a loved one. And not just becasue Joey is a Red. LIfe is short. Joey ists great you can take the time to get right. And comeback when you were ready.
By BrarHopper
June 23, 2009 7:26 PM | Link to this
I hope this puts an end to the shallow stupid and hateful comments by boxter about Joey Votto. boxter, you really are a heartless and mean-spirited SOB.
By Wizard
June 23, 2009 6:29 PM | Link to this
Losing one’s parents is very difficult. It does put a lot of things in perspective. We sure have missed you Joey. Most importantly we are glad you are feeling better! Do what ya gotta do, Joey Votto. Welcome Back! Sorry about the ‘post your comment’ annoyance.
By Blown Away
June 23, 2009 6:25 PM | Link to this
Joey, I know what you’re talking about. My father passed away suddenly 3 years ago, and I’m just now getting myself back together. My father was my best friend, just as your father was to you. It does get better with time, trust me. Keep him in your heart. God bless you on your journey.
By Wizard
June 23, 2009 6:23 PM | Link to this
Losing one’s parents is very difficult. It does put a lot of things in perspective. We sure have missed you Joey. Most importantly we are glad you are feeling better! Do what ya gotta do, Joey Votto. Welcome Back! otto.
By stupid is stupid does
June 23, 2009 5:26 PM | Link to this
WELCOME BACK JOEY WE MISSED YA!
By Jack D.
June 23, 2009 5:12 PM | Link to this
Boy,can I relate. At first you think your losing your mind. You feel like your gonna die on the spot. You heart flutters and dizzy spells and lack of concentration follow.My heart goes out to Joey. It’s hell.Thank God it gets better with time and proper medication. Good luck.