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Hall of Fame baseball writer Hal McCoy has retired from the Dayton Daily News after covering the Cincinnati Reds for 37 years. Hal's blog, though, will continue to be a must-read for Reds fans. He'll share his thoughts on the team this season and will file updates from Great American Ball Park. You also can catch Hal in print every Sunday in his popular Ask Hal columnHome > Blogs > The Real McCoy | Cincinnati Reds baseball news > Archives > 2010 > June > 03 > Entry
Ken Griffey Jr.: Great player, a greater friend
On that cold February, 2000 night when Ken Griffey Jr. walked into a packed and overstuffed Crosley Room in Riverfront Stadium, one could sense the burden he felt on his shoulders.
Baseball is a team game and a city was putting the burden of winning on one pair of shoulders - very large and broad shoulders - but they thought $116.5 million made it their right to drop the heavy load on The Cincinnati Kid.
NO MATTER the price, baseball games can’t be purchased. Griffey knew this as much as anybody, but said nothing. He knows a baseball team is built on the shoulders of 25 players, not one.
But he watched and he listened quietly as General Manager Jim Bowden, the architect of the trade that brought Griffey home to Cincinnati from Seattle, bubbled over with optimism.
“Baseball is back in Cincinnati,” said Bowden. Where had it been? It has been in Cincinnati since 1969. It went nowhere. And he kept saying, over and over, “Call 421-REDS. Call 421-REDS.” It was the number for the ticket office.
ALL THAT OPTIMISM never materialized during The Griffey Era. They never put a winning team around him. They never came up with the pitching necessary to construct a championship team.
And Griffey bore the brunt. Fans never forgave him. All that money, no championships. But he didn’t complain, didn’t make excuses. He played on through pain, pain and more pain.
NOBODY KNOWS the inside story of Ken Griffey Jr. better than team physician Dr. Tim Kremchek. They were not only doctor-patient on a regular basis, they were doctor-friend forever.
“Nobody knows me inside-and-out better than you, especially inside,” Griffey told Kremchek Wednesday night as he drove from Seattle to Orlando, on his way home after announcing his retirement from baseball.
Here is the litany of what Kremchek did to keep Griffey on the field, when Griffey easily could have called it a career and walked into the Hall of Fame a long time ago: Right shoulder surgery, right knee surgery, left knee surgery, left knee surgery twice, hamstring surgery and five or six drainage procedures after the hamstring surgery.
Yes, the hamstring surgery. What a story.
“Griffey called me one day and told me his hamstring was hurting and not getting better,” said Kremchek. “You don’t do MRI’s for hamstrings because they don’t show anything. But I agreed to do an MRI. And we saw that the hamstring was pulled away from the bone.”
IT WAS A rare thing and Kremchek checked around and found a doctor in North Carolina who said he was familiar with this type of injury. Trainer Mark Mann and Griffey went to see the guy, then flew back.
“Two hours later there was a knock on my door,” said Kremchek. “It was Griffey and he said, ‘I want you to do the surgery.’ I told him, ‘I’ve never done it. I can’t do that.’ And Griffey said, ‘You’re a surgeon, you can do it. I want you to do it.’”
So Kremchek performed the surgery, a rare procedure during which he re-attached the hamstring to the bone, something that is now called, “Ken Griffey Surgery,” sort of like “Tommy John Surgery.”
And Griffey played on, taking heavy hits from fans for not always running hard to first base. Many times there was seepage from the hole in his leg used to drain the fluids.
“I saw Griffey at his lowest points,” said Kremchek. “I only wish people realized what this guy went through to play baseball. I was one of the few guys he let into his inner circle and it was unfortunate that it was because of the injury circumstances. But I’ve known a lot of ballplayers and this is one guy I truly consider my friend.”
ME, TOO, DOC.
I consider him a great baseball player, but a greater person - a guy who cares about others. His contributions to the Make-a-Wish Foundation are legion and he never wanted attention for it.
I saw his 500th home run. I saw his 600th home run. I have the baseball from his 531st home run. All that was wonderful, but his friendship is worth much more than a baseball on a shelf and the baseball memories.
WHEN I WAS voted into the Hall of Fame in 2003, it was five minutes after the announcement as I sat at a table in the media room at the Winter Baseball Meetings in Nashville. My cellphone rang and a voice said, “Hal, do you know who this is?” I said, “Of course I recognize your voice, Junior.” And he said, “I’m not calling for an interview or anything. I’m calling to congratulate you on making the Hall of Fame.”
Only two other players called - Aaron Boone and Sean Casey.
When I announced my retirement as a traveling baseball writer, a few days later my cell phone ran. It was Junior. Again. He knew I was down, knew I didn’t want to stop doing what I was doing, and he talked to me for a half an hour.
No other player called.
When my dog, Barkley, died about a month ago and I wrote about it in this blog, I received a text. From Junior. “So sorry about your loss. Pets are so special.”
AND THE BASEBALL?
Early in 2005, Griffey had only one home run in April and the fans were squealing about it. I wrote a column in which I said, “If Ken Griffey Jr. stays healthy all year, if he doesn’t hit 30 home runs, I’ll eat this column on Courthouse Square. And I’ll furnish the ketchup.”
Griffey never let on that he had read or heard about it.
On August 25, on a sticky, humid night in RFK Stadium in Washington, D.C., Griffey hit his 30th home run. After the game, I was standing outside the clubhouse door, waiting to do post-game interviews, when Griffey walked by nonchalantly. “Hal,” he said and flipped me a baseball.
On it he had written, “To Hal, Thanks for your friendshp. All the best, Ken Griffey Jr., Home Run No. 30, Home Run No. 531, August 25, 2005.
He had read the column and he remembered.
That was the Ken Griffey Jr. that I knew and the Ken Griffey Jr. I will remember. I wasn’t privileged to see most of his 630 home runs or the 13 All-Star seasons or the 11 Gold Glove seasons, all of which will earn him a first-ballot seat on the stage for the Hall of Fame ceremonies in Cooperstown.
But I got to see the real person. And that means more to me than anything. From a grizzled old coot who loves the game of baseball, I say to Junior, “Thanks for the memories, but more importantly, thanks for being my friend.”
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June 5, 2011 12:06 AM | Link to this
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June 12, 2010 2:25 AM | Link to this
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By Dave
June 9, 2010 4:49 PM | Link to this
Not only was Jr one of the greatest OF’s in MLB history and a wonderful person as Hal’s comment tells us but he was - CLEAN! He never cheated. While Sosa, Bonds, McGuire, A-Rod, Clemens, Palmeiro and dozens (hundreds?) others juiced up - he never did. He is the greatest HR hitter of his time because behind that pure swing was talent - and nothing else. I love that about Jr. and I love that Jr. retired when it was time and I love his last hit was a walk-off to give his Mariners a victory!
By Brian
June 9, 2010 3:43 PM | Link to this
Hal, thanks for the insight. Because of the injuries we will never know how tremendous Juniors numbers might of been. When he announced his retirement it brought back many emotions for me that I thought I would never feel again. I was a huge Johnny Bench fan growing up and when he announced his retirement at the age of 35 I thought it was the end of the world. Those were bleak years for the Reds and I remember reading an artilce in USA Today in which Bench said he thought he was spoiled by all the winning in the 70’s. I admired him for not going to the American league and becoming a DH. I actually got to meet Bench that final year in San Deigo during a doubleheader and in that very breif meeting I could sence the amount of pride and respect he had for the game, even at my young age of 13. Junior’s retirement hit me the same way as Bench’s, I knew for years that he was hurting, I also knew that as much as Bowden tried the economics were never going to work out in the Reds favor. He had an amazing career and truly was one of the very few guys who could put a team on his back in July and carry them into September when he was healthy. I was going into college when Bench went into the Hall of Fame in 89’ so I could not make it. My oldest sons favorite player is Junior and he will be going into college the same summer Junior will be enshrined. We will be there in Cooperstown to watch The Kid take his spot along the other greats. Thanks again Hal for giving all of us the side we dont really ever get to see.
By Tony Thomas
June 9, 2010 12:24 AM | Link to this
Hal: Alway, always love your columns. This one especially, for I am a Junior fan. Like you, I have followed him because of the non-baseball stuff. The baseballs stuff was icing on the cake.
By KR
June 7, 2010 8:22 PM | Link to this
If Griffey isn’t a unanimous choice for the Hall of Fame, there should be a major housecleaning of sportswriters. Players of his kind do not come along very often. I hope Griffey knew there was a huge number of Reds fans who appreciated and respected him for what he brought to the game. He can rightfully take his place besides the greatest who ever played. (Thanks for a super article which gives insight into a special player!)
By Greg
June 6, 2010 9:24 AM | Link to this
My brother and I had a layover in Dallas last St. Patrick’s Day on our way to Goodyear, Arizona for Spring training. We saw Ken Griffey, Jr. seated by himself in the passenger waiting area talking on the phone. When he was done, he stood to leave when we introduced ourselves and complimented him on his career, especially his time with the Reds. He spoke to us for about ten minutes and was very gracious and accommodating until he had to leave for his flight. We were very appreciative and I wanted to share this experience so that other fans can hear about an encounter with a celebrity athletes that does not result in rude or self-centered behavior. We thank him for a great career and wish him well in his retirement.
By cdipp
June 5, 2010 11:51 PM | Link to this
This was a wonderful blog, it talked about a true baseball player. I grew up a Reds fan, and I remember the day Jr. came to the Reds. Cincinnati was excited and he did an awesome job as a player. This blog tells about the human and not the baseball player. This was an awesome blog. Jr. will be completely missed in baseball. I hope he enjoys his retirement, he deserves it.
By John
June 5, 2010 9:22 AM | Link to this
Hal, I’ll admit that I was not a huge Griffey Jr fan. As a Red’s fan, it was easy to blame him for the pathetic team performances during the Griffey era. Plus, he really never said anything about anything during his time in Cincinnati. He appeared to be aloof and only concerned about himself. I did admire his talent and tenacity though and after reading your article I have a new outlook on Griffey. Thanks for sharing your observations. I’m sure Jr thanks you as well.
By Jeremy
June 5, 2010 2:27 AM | Link to this
Great story Hal, Griffey was always my favorite player growing up and I was pretty bummed out when things didn’t go as planned with him. But, there was another part of this article that I want to focus on…I’m very sad to see that Barkley passed away. I had no idea until I read this article tonight. I read your blogs religiously, and I’m usually bummed on the nights you don’t write an article, but tonight I was more disapointed to find out I missed the bad news. I went all the way back to the May 1st article to try and find the one that broke the news about Barkley’s passing. I’m sorry it’s almost a month late but I’m very sorry for your loss. I’m also sorry for those folks out there that have never experienced the love of a pet. My girlfriend wants to get a miniature schnauzer and name him Doogy Schnauzer, pretty lame huh? Anyway, sorry again Mr.McCoy. BTW, finally worked.
By Kclange
June 5, 2010 1:59 AM | Link to this
Great article. I’m a NW Fan who watched Griffey from his first game at the Dome to his last. Sorry you guys never got to see Jr. the way we did. We were blessed to watch him do amazing things everyday.He wasn’t able to run fast when in Cincinnati because he had so many injuries that were the results of his defense being far above the rest.You were only able to see highlight reels but he sacrificed himself everyday to make unbelievable catches. Playing on the turf in the dome slowed him down and he was riddled with pain. His raw untarnished talent should speak for itself. Griff was a class act. He didn’t need to be “juiced” to be great. He loved the game far too much to tarnish it. He was a natural player with a beautiful swing and a wonderful smile. We saw why he won all those gold gloves,was MVP, his record number of all star selections and his selection to the all century team. He was an exceptional player and we knew it. Griffey was a leader on and off the field. He was something special, He was a rare talent who loved the game like no other. He has had a career that other players only dream of. We weren’t happy when he left us for the Reds but we soon understood & forgave him because he was true to his word. NW fans appreciated him. We love him like no other fans could because we watched the kid become a man.He was overwhelmed when we showered him with love when he returned to Safeco when he was with the Reds. When he came back last year, he wasn’t his best but we didn’t care.We were thrilled he’d come home.He taught Ichiro how to have fun again and brought much needed leadership and laughter.He was our hero, an icon, He saved baseball in Seattle. We continued to honor him everytime he came to bat. We knew we were blessed to have witnessed one of the greatest to have ever played. He filled the stands, he led the clubhouse,He quietly helped thousands of children in need and didn’t want any attention for it. He played the game the way it should be played…and we love him. We knew the end of an era was near but didn’t want it to ever come.Jr. left quietly in a classy way,and we are still sad to see him gone. He has said he will remain with the M’s in some capacity. Ken Griffey will remain one of the greatest players and Seattle Mariner ever. Part of him will always be a Red but…Sorry Red Fans, he will go to Cooperstown as a Seattle Mariner. He was an M when he was the best player in the game and when he won all of his awards. We’ll miss you Ken. Thanks for the memories.
By Slightly Right
June 4, 2010 8:20 PM | Link to this
Great article Hal. An article about a man that played by the rules,always remained humble, played hurt, worked hard, respected his fans, set the standard for his peers, a great family man and father, and I hope that Ken Griffey Jr will consider an active role of some kind in MLB even in his retirement. Thank You Ken Griffey Jr for doing it right!
By Tim
June 4, 2010 7:21 PM | Link to this
Excellent article. I’ve read some other articles that were very critical & harsh of Jr’s career. Thanks for writing this Hal…Please Do Not Stop Writing.
By mike
June 4, 2010 4:29 PM | Link to this
Jr waqs a cancer on the Reds. never worth the money they gave him. They still owe this loser 5 mil a year until 2025. May be the worst contract ever written.
By Kevin
June 4, 2010 3:36 PM | Link to this
I will always remember Jr as the player who had fun playing the game with his baseball cap backwards and a big smile!
By Jim M.
June 4, 2010 2:43 PM | Link to this
Hal, Thank you for your article about Jr. I have been a fan of his even before he came to the Reds. I remember back when Jr was with Seattle, How it would be uge to get Jr to play for the Reds. The days leading up to that day, i remember hearing rumors of him going to the Mets or the Braves and how I just prayed that would never happen. Then that day it was announced, I had a tear in my eye and a huge grin on my face. I will forever blame Lindner for not following thru on bringing Championship baseball to the Cincinnati fans back then. He is a billioniare and could have brought better players (I wonder why they didnt try to bring Greg Vaughn back just to bat 4th after Griffey in 2000. Bichette was nothing near the team leader Greg Vaugn was!!.. Also the picthing could have been way better too.. Anyway I am sad Griffey retired before playing on fathers day. That would have been a awesome present seeing him one last time on TV playing against the Reds. I had hoped Seattle would have done so much better so a fantasy of mine (Seattle Cincinnati World Series) could have happened.. but sadly Now Jr wont get to get a World Series in his career. I know I am grateful Jr played for the Reds and also the last game i saw him play as a Red, I asked God in a prayer, “If Jr is going to get traded, please let me see one more JR homer” And he did!!!.. I had a huge grin as i standed up clapping my hands. Not knowing JR would be traded in a the coming days after. I also remember the time a grandfather had a heart attack in the outfield seats and Jr was made awre of the situation and made sure the little boy walked with him on the field into the club house after a Reds win.. Also the reason Griffey is getting paid 5 million thru 2025?? he deferred alot of money to help Lindner have the money to better the team. My only regret as a fan? he didnt make that more known so the Reds fans didnt blame his contract as the reason they kept losing. Jr is class and i didnt boo him for not running as hard after his hamstring surgery. I didnt want him to blow it out and ruin his chance at 600 homers.. anyway He will always be my favorite player ever and maybe Bryce Harper will be the next Jr!! Thank you Griffey for the memories…
By Devin
June 4, 2010 1:57 PM | Link to this
Great article… I initially was not happy with Jr.’s seemingly endless injuries as a Reds fan… but in recent years have come to the realization that Griffey was just aging naturally, and not juicing / using human growth drugs to keep himself healthy, unlike many of the so-called greats of this era… That’s what makes him all the more great in my mind…
By EricinNH
June 4, 2010 1:34 PM | Link to this
I am a life long Reds fan having grown up in the Dayton area. Now, as an adult, I live in NH and still love my Reds. I was Director of Sales for a software company at that time, Feb. 2000. I was on sales calls with one of my sales guys somewhere in the Midwest. They young sales guy thought his boss was crazy when I began to jump for joy on the hotel bed while watching ESPN in the morning. I had such hopes - as we all did. But I learned to truly appreciate Jr. more and more over the years. The sweetest swing ever in baseball. And a wonderful person. Thank you for the blog post Hal. As always, you have a wonderful way with words. (BTW - I keep meaning to take my dog for an extra, spontaneous walk for Barkley. I want it to be an extra walk - one just for Barkley. I will get to it soon.)
By Beach
June 4, 2010 1:18 PM | Link to this
Enjoyed the post Hal. As always, you have a way about you that is refreshing and depicts a side that so few get to glimpse. Thanks for sharing. I’ll miss watching Junior’s sweet swing and infectious smile almost as much as I miss reading your daily reports! It truly takes one Hall of Famer to know another!
By Pat Monahan
June 4, 2010 12:44 PM | Link to this
I hope on that wonderful day in Cooperstown, Jr will have some red on. Because, I’ll always consider him one of my favorite Reds.
By Tim A
June 4, 2010 12:32 PM | Link to this
I’m just glad you are one of the few writers who appreciate Junior and what he has done for baseball. I was a big fan of his long before he came home to Cincinnati. Why he was portrayed as a selfish player I have no idea. My memories of him will be with me for eternity. Such a great ball-player, human being, and a Dad. Thanks for so many wonderful memories Ken.
By OBX Ted
June 4, 2010 11:34 AM | Link to this
Great story Hal, Jr. was even great at the Reds Father and son Games.He was always fun to watch.Great young man. I’m sure his Dad is so proud as well as Bertie. Thanks Hal
By Mike S
June 4, 2010 11:09 AM | Link to this
Hal, That was a touching story. I know how much you thought of Griffey. Mike
By Reds fan in Carolina
June 4, 2010 10:19 AM | Link to this
Hal, you about brought a tear to my eye. Junior wanted things to work out more than anyone in Ciny. It was his childhood home. This is probably the fist summer Junior will spend away from baseball since he hwas 5 yrs old. Junior could have gone to the Yankees or anywere for bookoo bucks, but he gave the Reds a bargin. Name another big time athelete that ever did that! I saw him every summer he was in Cincy and just watching his beautiful swing and feeling like a kid again hoping he’d knock one out was incredible. The man is the most pure talent to ever play the game and the fact that he was a Red in any capacity was our privledge. Preach it HAL!!!
By TF
June 4, 2010 10:15 AM | Link to this
Hal- Great article (as usual). A few years ago, Jr. was kind enough to donate some money to our Roy Hobbs League 30 and over baseball team, so we could buy new uniforms. Just another example of something he doesn’t get enough credit for, in my opinion. He is truly a credit to his profession and a first ballot Hof’er for sure. Thanks for everything Junior. Enjoy your retirement. You deserve it.
By James H.
June 4, 2010 9:42 AM | Link to this
Right on, Hal.
By whosyourdaddy
June 4, 2010 9:12 AM | Link to this
Great article, Hal. Thanks for the memories of Junior.
By Eddison
June 4, 2010 9:05 AM | Link to this
Hal, excellent post. This post is a great example why you’re in the Hall.
By RampantRedsFan
June 4, 2010 8:59 AM | Link to this
Thanks for the great blog entry. Thanks for the Memories Junior. You were a throwback to a time when things were simpler, better, and more pure. Enjoy your retirement!
By 12penguins
June 4, 2010 8:23 AM | Link to this
Griffey had his good and bad moments in Cincinnati, but would have helped the franchise had he done for them what he did for Seattle by retiring. At the end he and Dunn were part of the problem on a bad ball club, not part of the solution. With his experience and salary, he should have been a postive influence. No fair to reports his strengths and leave out his weaknesses even if you are his friend.
By indygeo
June 4, 2010 8:00 AM | Link to this
Hal’s blog says it all about the man (and about Hal - great loyalty). It was never Junior’s fault that he played hard and sometimes got hurt doing it. First year was something like 40 HR 125 RBI - he gave what they paid him for (and he left tens of millions of $ on the table, unlike A-Rod). If only they’d built the rest of the team around him that could have been a great era in Reds baseball.
By Justin
June 4, 2010 7:28 AM | Link to this
Thanks Hal! You put a good closure so his 22 year hall of fame career for me. I read everything I can you write, don’t ever stop.
By xxx
June 4, 2010 6:39 AM | Link to this
Nice article,and I’m glad so many like Jr. I will never deny that he was a great player and in his prime was fun to watch.That being said, I’m still not a “fan”. Met him once, and he was so very rude to my then very young son.Don’t know why,but I sure didn’t see this side of him one bit.
By John
June 4, 2010 5:36 AM | Link to this
1869 Hal, not 1969. great article, by the way. you two are great examples of class.
By Zac
June 4, 2010 1:56 AM | Link to this
Hal you are the man, so is Junior.
By Jake
June 4, 2010 12:50 AM | Link to this
Very nice article Hal. Cool memories too. I think you’re being a little unfair to Bowden though. I know you didn’t like him, but why shouldn’t he have been optimistic?! Sure, reading off the ticket phone number was tacky, but he had just traded for the best player in baseball for nothing. He had a right to be excited, and we as fans had a right to be hopeful.
By voiceofreason
June 4, 2010 12:08 AM | Link to this
Griff gets to spend the summer with his kids. My guess is that he saw his kids getting out for the summer and didn’t want to miss another. Speaks volumes about him as a man. He could’ve stuck around and cashed the check for the next few months but knew that he wasn’t contributing as he would’ve liked as a player and also knew that he could, for the first time, be with his family during the summer. Class act in my book.
By redsfandownunder
June 3, 2010 11:50 PM | Link to this
Hal, good post. I was in the camp of people who were not sad to see the backside of him for reasons including his lack of hustle. You’ve put this issue in proper context for me. Griffey also deserves very high kudos for (by all accounts) doing it clean. Now can you PLEASE put in context for me why he batted in the 3 hole long after his effectiveness was gone? My perception was Baker didn’t have the backbone to deal with Griffey’s attitude and poutiness. Same with Griffey’s eventual move from CF to RF which should have occured earlier. A man who truly believed he was 1 on a team of 25 would not have resisted a move in the batting order while he knew he wasn’t producing.
By Matt
June 3, 2010 11:42 PM | Link to this
There always has to be one I suppose that has to leave a stupid, negative comment.
By Rob
June 3, 2010 10:31 PM | Link to this
Sorry you didn’t get to enjoy a great baseball career Mick. Do you ever leave early from work? Are there days you don’t go in? Watch out living in that glass house. Thanks Hal for a heart warming story. And thank you Jr., enjoy the retirement.
By 71 MPH fastball
June 3, 2010 9:38 PM | Link to this
I mean Ken Griffey Jr and Nolan Ryan.
By 71 MPH fastball
June 3, 2010 9:34 PM | Link to this
Ken Griffey and Nolan Ryan are my all- time favorite players. If Junior hadn’t been injured so much… 750-800 homeruns?
By Monroe
June 3, 2010 9:26 PM | Link to this
Thanks Hal, awesome as expected.
By grumpy
June 3, 2010 8:35 PM | Link to this
Jr. had a rough time of it in Cincinnati. Only wish he could have stayed healthy. My Grandson was a huge fan of his, but, not as huge a fan for Jr. as he was for Aaron Bonne. When Boone left the Reds he cried. I listened to this guy talk to my Grandson at a Reds/Expos game. He just oozed personality. That was the big difference between Boone and some of the other players. He took the time and didn’t have to. Good luck in retirement Jr.
By Mick
June 3, 2010 8:14 PM | Link to this
Hal, Ask Griff why he left in the middle of the last game during the 2000 season in Florida? He played hurt but he also quit on his team.
By Matthew
June 3, 2010 8:10 PM | Link to this
Great post. No matter what you want to say about his time in Cincy, you can never say he had a bad attitude, which I have come to appreciate in a player more than anything. Do you have any inside scoops on whether Griffey wants to coach anywhere? If so, then where, Seattle or Cincy (I’m sure that either organization would be happy to have him back on in any capacity)?
By Dee
June 3, 2010 7:03 PM | Link to this
Hal, this was one of your best. It’s warm and says a lot about Jr and his career. I always liked his Dad and knew that Jr. had a lot to live up to. But just like you said, there is more to a team than just one person. Everyone has to pull together. Jr. did his part. Best wishes for a wonderful retirement.
By Clint Evans
June 3, 2010 6:40 PM | Link to this
I’m 27 years old. Ken Griffey Jr. helped me fall in love with this game and I will miss seeing him play and having him a part of the MLB universe. I love ya Kenny Griff. Thanks for all the wonderful memories and happy nights that you brought me as a kid growing up and as a young adult fan at Riverfront and Great American.
By Kyle
June 3, 2010 6:14 PM | Link to this
Great blog, Hal. I wish it would have been the way I hoped it was going to be. It just never was.