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What movies would you use to punish criminals?
I’m not very good at cracking April Fool’s jokes, nor at detecting them, but I am good at being silly, and April Fool’s Day is a great time to be a little lighthearted, shall we say.
Along those lines, my regular reader Kim S. emailed me with a very creative question: “What movie should criminals watch that would be so bad a punishment the crime rate would go down?”
Hmmm. Well, my favorite whipping boy is Michael Bay’s Bad Boys 2, but given the taste of most criminal types, watching that movie would probably be a reward rather than a punishment, frightening as that may be. Scratch that.
The infamously inept Plan 9 from Outer Space? Nah. Too unintentionally hilarious.
The Hottie & the Nottie? This might work for some white-collar criminals, I suppose, but some of them might have poor enough taste to find Paris Hilton attractive. Brrrr.
Ah ha! I’ve got it! The movie I would force criminals to watch, Clockwork Orange-style, The Hours, starring Nicole Kidman, Meryl Streep and Julianne Moore!
What, you say? The movie that won Nicole Kidman her Oscar? From where I sit, it’s perfect. It’s suffocatingly pretentious, not to most criminals’ taste, and best of all, it’s S-L-O-W enough to make the passage of time seem like real torture. (The movie would more accurately be titled The Centuries) As an added bonus, Phillip Glass’ numbing, repetitive score is annoying enough to drill its way through the thickest skull! (Insert evil laughter here)
That’s my choice, anyway. What are some of yours?
Permalink | Comments (6) | Post your comment | Categories: Sir Critic muses
Comments
By SRCputt
April 1, 2009 5:34 PM | Link to this
“Drop that zero and get with the hero.” Yes, Cool As Ice is my nomination for movie hell.By Kim S.
April 1, 2009 5:10 PM | Link to this
Thanks for the shout out! My pick would probably be “2Fast2Furious”, since you took BB2. I also agree with Titanic, I’ll also throw in “Far and Away” and for sound which grates on your ears I’ll go with “My Fair Lady”. As much as I love Audrey, I cannot handle the accent.By danielle
April 1, 2009 4:05 PM | Link to this
Howard the Duck Xanadu Care Bears films Rainbow Bright and the Star Stealer CrossroadsBy Kelle
April 1, 2009 4:00 PM | Link to this
What a wonderful topic. It has several of us unable to continue other thought because we keep having new movies pop into our heads. How about… From Justin to Kelly (for the anti-American Idol fan) Thank God It’s Friday (1978) St. Elmo’s Fire Bye Bye Birdie Cinderella - any Rogers & Hammerstein version. Hannah Montana MovieBy null
April 1, 2009 2:18 PM | Link to this
Titanic and Love Story. I would rather have a root canal than watch these films.By Sheryl Cowers
April 1, 2009 1:09 PM | Link to this
Anything Merchant-Ivory would be swell punishment. The more pretentious the better. Any Jane Austen adaptation would do, too. They’re fine for what they are, but if you’re not into “what they are” you’re in trouble.