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Transformers ROTF: More is less
Memo to: Michael Bay, director and sensory overloader
From: Eric Robinette, frazzled film reviewer, AKA Sir Critic
CC: Blog readers
I have to admit, Mike, I owe you my congratulations. I didn’t think you would do it, but you sure proved me wrong.
With Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, you have made your worst film since the atrocity known as Bad Boys II. Compared to this sequel, the first Transformers soars like the original The Day the Earth Stood Still.
Now, I can practically hear people’s eyes rolling. “Here comes the stuffy critic who can’t appreciate robots beating each other up.” Not so. Terminator 2: Judgment Day - I rest my case. But when a Transformers movie can’t even get the robot fighting right, it fails on the most basic level.
Speaking of leveling, I’ll be honest with you Mike. I went into your movie with a chip on my shoulder. I had a really bad day long before I saw the film. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t willing to give your sequel a chance. I was hoping at the very least the movie would match the original: tolerable, but still mediocre. Heck, I thought it was vaguely possible you might surprise me and direct a movie I actually liked. You did it once with The Rock.
For the first hour or so, I thought the sequel might not be so bad. The action scenes often didn’t make sense, but that’s normal for you. At the very least, your editing wasn’t too frenzied, Shia LaBeouf was engaging, and a couple of ideas were actually kinda fun, particularly the one robot who could transform into something besides a machine. I’ll be nice and not spoil it for the other people reading this.
But then the movie kept going on …
And on …
And on …
And on ..
And on …
And on until finally 2.5 hours seemed like 2.5 years. I know you’re the master of excess, Mike, but I think you really should sell this movie to dental offices. By the time it was finally over, it made me totally numb.
Now, I’m not going to sit here like some other critics and complain that the plot makes no sense. That’s true, but that’s beside the point. Calling your plot incomprehensible is like calling the sun hot. Of course it is.
No, the real problem is you didn’t get the robots right. When the movie gave us the first transformation and I couldn’t tell what the heck was going on, I knew we were in trouble.
Have you had your eyes checked lately, Mike? I’m starting to wonder if you’re getting nearsighted. You shoot the action scenes with the cameras way too close. Not only is it hard to tell what’s happening, but the close angles obscure the best part of the movie: the sterling visual effects. For a summer blockbuster, that’s an unpardonable sin. It doesn’t help at all that most of the Decepticons look the same, so I couldn’t tell them apart.
Almost as bad are the jokes. You really should give up on comedy, Mike, you suck at it. You hit a new low with two of the Autobots, who are nothing less than a robot minstrel show, the android version of Amos and Andy. People thought Jar Jar Binks was offensive? He’s a teddy bear compared to these two.
Maybe fans will like this movie, maybe they won’t. Just for the record, Roger Ebert liked the first movie, but hated this one. And even some people in the geek crowd aren’t feeling you, Mike. People may think I went into this movie prepared to hate it, but it might be just as dangerous to go into this movie prepared to love it.
Believe it or not, Mike, I want to like your movies. Really, I do. But I’m beginning to think you just don’t have it in you. You know that chip on my shoulder? When it turned into an anvil at the end of ROTF, I could have won a Pulitzer and a date with Amy Adams, and your movie still would have ruined my day.
GRADE: D
Permalink | Comments (24) | Post your comment | Categories: Reviews
Comments
By SRCputt
June 25, 2009 2:23 PM | Link to this
Critics shouldn’t review action films? Really? So that’s means all of them are good? Do you realize this has been a poor year for action? Some of us would like a sense of character with our action. Go back a few years and watch something like Die Hard or Lethal Weapon. There’s no deep meaning, but what there is in those films is character establishment. The reason why the action is so fondly remembered is because you care about McClane, or Riggs and Murtaugh. That’s not happening enough these days.By SRCputt
June 25, 2009 2:15 PM | Link to this
Thanks for all the posters giving me so much to read while I’m home sick. For the negative posters: you do realize he has this blog because he is an employee of Cox Newspapers, don’t you? Do you realize that means he has a real job? Do you realize a reviewer’s job is to offer up his opinion of the film? Otherwise, it isn’t a review.By SRCputt
June 25, 2009 1:49 PM | Link to this
Maybe the Oscars were mentioned because the poster knew the first Transformers had three Oscar nominations and was concerned about the sequel’s possibilities. As for the people stating Eric needs some hidden meaning from a film to enjoy it, I suggest you go back and read his positive reviews for Star Trek, Up, and The Hangover. Which incidentally stand as the three biggest 2009 summer movies before the Transformers sequel opened.By Allie D.
June 25, 2009 12:27 PM | Link to this
I love it when people resort to the “get a life” or “get a job” argument without actually discussing in detail why they enjoyed Transformers ROTF, the same way Eric and other critics have explained eloquently why they didn’t like it. It’s like the movie fried their brains so much that everything other than monosyllabic insults is beyond their grasps. Clearly these people have never watched shows like Ebert and Roeper, where two hosts would disagree on films without resorting to attacks on one’s character. Probably because the show was hosted by two adults who saw little value in ad hominems to make a point. But hey, since one reader already argued that Michael Bay made this movie to appeal to 6th graders, it is appropriate that the people who liked it would respond like 6th graders. I guess, in that case, I shouldn’t be surprised at such feeble-minded responses.By Me
June 25, 2009 12:23 PM | Link to this
What’s with all the name calling? Especially you “Dad”. Do you teach your kid to insult people with opinions different from your own? People, don’t get so worked up over some summer blockbuster. It’s just a movie. If you’re really fired up, maybe you should mosey on over to Roger Eberts review since he pretty much calls it the worst movie ever made.By Not so much
June 25, 2009 11:58 AM | Link to this
Aren’t the basement dwellars the ones who love this kind of stuff regardless of whether it’s good or not? How about a little discerning tatste. I’m not paying $10.50 for a nap.By Kim
June 25, 2009 11:24 AM | Link to this
I guess I missed the part where Oscars were discussed for this film. What does that have to do with anything? Sheesh. And of course it’s possible for kids to love it - they loved Barney. And I know as a parent that I love anything that makes my kids happy. So that’s fine and there will be folks who enjoy the film I’m sure. As a grown-up on a very tight budget, I appreciate the insight of critics to help me decide what choices to make. I don’t always agree and I make my own choice after seeing what they have to say. Eric’s review of this film was actually MUCH kinder than many I’ve seen. He did give concrete reasons for his review - so I would be interested in hearing why those who loved it thought that it was good rather than juvenile name-calling and hatin’. If “stuff blew up” and “Transformers are great toys” was the reason it was great, then it probably isn’t going to be to my taste. We can still choose to see it or not - enjoy it - or not. Sure it can make lots of money - it just isn’t going to get any of mine.By Stephen Mann
June 25, 2009 9:58 AM | Link to this
Hmm, so now making bad movies is a sin and bad directors are to be compared to our least favorite politicians. I thought they were just for entertainment, if you like em, great, if not, move on. I don’t expect an Oscar worthy movie everytime, but considering what Oscars normally go to (movies with less basis in reality then Transformers, like say, An Inconvienent ‘Truth’), I don’t want ‘Oscar’ worthy movies. I just want to be entertained, and forget about the stress of real life for 2 hours.By Dad
June 25, 2009 9:48 AM | Link to this
I took my 11 year old to see it last night. He LOVED it. LOVED IT. I think the critic’s got to realize that a movie doesn’t have to be an intellectual thesis on society to be entertaining. I enjoyed it through the eyes of my 11 year old and think Bay hit a home run. Move out of your mom’s basement and get a life.By Sheep who can see
June 25, 2009 9:25 AM | Link to this
Funny, but I don’t think just because a movie has some robots and explosions, it’s going to be great, as the nayasyers who haven’t seen it yet seem to think. The frst movie was ok but boring and I’m sure this one will stink, just as Sir Critic, who actually saw it, said. Oh, criticis have always loved good action flicks like The Fugitive and some of the James Bond movies. They just don’t like bad movies. Ha ha.By SRCputt
June 24, 2009 10:39 PM | Link to this
Just to respond to a couple of posts. First, I know that Eric’s Peanuts books aren’t in storage. He reads them all the time. Second, I was the first poster on this subject, and nowhere on my post did I mention the former vice president. I’m just jealous that Allie made such a good analogy.By Craigster
June 24, 2009 10:34 PM | Link to this
Get a real job! Like I just told a friend, movie critics are just like weather forecaster’s, you have a 50/50 shot of being right and who cares if your wrong. Everyone I heard leaving the movie said it was great! BTW, that was also why there were lines of people waiting to watch the movie, on 4 screens! Get a real job and keep your comments to yourself!By LS
June 24, 2009 9:45 PM | Link to this
Don’t listen the nay-sayers. If you think this movie blows, it probably does. I usually trust your opinion and we use your critiques to judge which movie we’re going to spend our hard earned money on. The first movie being a cult favorite (is it even really considered that?!) is only such because Meghan Fox is hot. I fell asleep watching the first movie and I LOVE crappy action flicks. You know more and appreciate more about movies than almost anyone I’ve read. You’re not some critic who only “gets” the indies, so don’t let the meat heads who think Transformers 2 is the best movie of the summer bring you down.By Academy??
June 24, 2009 9:06 PM | Link to this
Come on, get a J-O-B you bum!! Critics shouldn’t even review action movies! Is it going to win an Oscar? Maybe some special effects award IF, and that’s a BIG if, the movie is considered deserving by the academy. A movie critic complaining about an action movie is like a food critic saying Pizza Hut isn’t gourmet food. DUH!!By Charles
June 24, 2009 8:52 PM | Link to this
If you liked the 1st one you’ll like this one… the jokes took away from the film a little but in the end you don’t really remember them and just remember the great fight scenes and such… this reviewer is focusing too much on what most people don’t care about what’s in the movieBy Martha Hardcastle
June 24, 2009 6:43 PM | Link to this
Tim M. is incorrect. I have it on good authority that Sir Critic’s “My Little Pony” dolls were stored by his Peanuts books by his FATHER! His mom never had ‘em. So there!By Tim M.
June 24, 2009 6:18 PM | Link to this
Scott wrote, “So what ‘exactly’ is wrong with the movie? What would you do to fix it? Saying it’s bad, but not giving specifics, isn’t going to stop someone from (what you say is) wasting money.” Oh, I don’t know… I’m sure I read “…the plot makes no sense”, Bay “didnt get the robots right” and shot “the action scenes with the cameras way too close”. He also said the jokes fell flat, many of the Decepticons looked the same, and two robots were offensive racial stereotypes. According to RottenTomatoes.com, 79% of film critics gave T:ROTF bad reviews. This might just clue you in that it’s not a good movie. But let’s just shoot the messenger, shall we? PS: SirCritic: Your mom is storing all your old “My Little Pony” dolls under my bed. Just so you know.By Allie D.
June 24, 2009 6:12 PM | Link to this
If the acrimonious comments of Scott, Jeff, and Mike below are any indication as to the general attitude and reading comprehension of Bay’s fan base, I think I now know why Bay’s movies don’t generally play well to people with more than half a brain. Eric, I am really sorry that your daring to be among the roughly 80% of film reviewers who hated this movie has made you the target of the below kvetching. Some people have difficulty realizing that a decent movie does not a good sequel make. Nor do some understand that movies can in fact be thrilling, entertaining for young people, have great special effects, even and blow stuff up while still maintaining actual substance. It’s THAT part of the equation where Bay continually fails and why he has earned his reputation for making hollow summer blockbusters. Making a big, loud movie is not mutually exclusive of making a movie with a brain. But then again, if one understood such nuance, he or she would likely not be a Michael Bay fan.By Brother Phil
June 24, 2009 5:58 PM | Link to this
Well, such is the life of a critic. You can’t please all the people all the time, but most of the movies that are meant to please the summertime movie crowd are purely entertainment designed to please that cross-section of society who function at a sixth-grade level. Unfortunately with the dumbing down of America, this demographic continues to grow in size and intolerance of criticism.By MIKE
June 24, 2009 3:02 PM | Link to this
This is a movie about Transformers! This is not a feel good, made only to win awards, sappy love story type movie. Please recuit someone who didn’t play with “My Little Pony” as a child to review movies. Oh yea how much did the first one make? Obviously this critic is out of touch with society and the target audiences that movies are made for. Transformers have “cult like ” following and is growing with every commercial shown, every toy made, every piece of promotional material released. Michael Bay makes kick butt movies, full of action and explosions, believe it or not “some people like this”. Transformers was great and like it or not Transformers ROTF will be great also, just watch and see the reaction and money it brings in!By jeff
June 24, 2009 2:21 PM | Link to this
Obviously this foul tempered film critic forgot the movie is supposed to be entertaining to a younger crowd and not a philosophical adventure into the heart of men. This movie will rock like the first, since the genius who wrote this already was biased against the first. I agree Pearl Harbor has to be the worst flick ever, but Bay got it right with the first Transformers. Even funnier is the first poster’s use of this oppurtunity to bash Dick Cheney, I mean really now we are ready to blame Bush and Cheney for bad movies too?By Scott
June 24, 2009 2:11 PM | Link to this
So what “exactly” is wrong with the movie? What would you do to fix it? Saying it’s bad, but not giving specifics, isn’t going to stop someone from (what you say is) wasting money.By Allie D.
June 24, 2009 10:34 AM | Link to this
Oh I am well past wanting to like a Michael Bay movie. It would be like trying to like Dick Cheney at this point. He had added about as much credibility, charm, and class to the film industry as Cheney added to the Bush administration. I hear his name, and I have a Pavlovian vomit-in-mouth response. He could go on and make a great movie after this, and it would never be enough to make up for the sins of Armageddon, Bad Boys 2, and Pearl Harbor. After all, even a broken clock is right twice a day. The thing about Bay, though, is that his clock has no hands. It’s just a box of springs and gears turning willy-nilly, and making ugly noises with no real purpose. There is only one word I’m going to use to describe the feeling I have at reading ROTF’s reception and your review in particular: schadenfreude.By SRCputt
June 24, 2009 7:42 AM | Link to this
I guess this was the right week for me to get sick, because I wanted nothing to do with this film in the first place. A film with little humanity with just a bunch of robots fighting in action which is hard to comprehend? I already saw Terminator: Salvation, why should I see a worse example?