North Valley Notebook

Oh say can you see …

By Doug Page | Fri, July 3, 2009, 06:15 PM

… something stupid here?

In Ohio, it is legal to purchase fireworks. For you sticklers on details, 1.4G fireworks with less than 0.5mg of patriotic pop.

In Ohio, it is illegal to set off said fireworks that you legally purchased.

In Ohio, it is legal to ride a motorcycle without wearing a helmet.

In Ohio, it is illegal to drive a car without wearing a seatbelt.

I can understand the later pair of laws. There is a shortage of organs in the state. What do you call a motorcyclist not wearing a helmet? Organ donor.

The first pair of laws, however, defies rational explanation. But consider the source: the state Legislature.

And these are the folks who shall reform the state’s funding of public education?

Happy July 4th.

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Something fishy here and something very sad

By Doug Page | Wed, July 1, 2009, 10:13 AM

Englewood police showed up at the Meijers store just after 8 p.m. on a reported theft by an employee.

Loss prevention officers said they observed an employee switching a price tag on some fish and attempting to check out. Store employees stopped the woman before she checked out. The package of fish was labeled as just over half-a-pound of catfish at a buck-79 a pound.

When they unwrapped the package, they found over two-and-a-half pounds of walleye, selling for $7.99 a pound.

She declined to make a statement, but said she would answer questions from police. She admitted to changing the price on the package and said she had but $10 in her wallet. She denied she had a drug problem.

Then the police officer asked her if times were tough. She replied “yes” and that “she was trying to take care of her daughter and grandchild,” according to the report.

The police report said it was the woman’s last day at Meijers before taking retirement.

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Thou shalt not mess with librarians

By Doug Page | Tue, June 30, 2009, 02:26 PM

If there is a lesson to be learn in all of this, it’s thou shalt not mess with librarians.

Those soft-spoken men and women take to heart the advice of Teddy Roosevelt. They aren’t afraid of swinging that big stick they carry.

Day in and day out they quietly cater to their communities from the very youngest in strollers to the very oldest in walkers. They treat all with respect, just as long as you obey the rules.

Perhaps Gov. Strickland forgot about the power of librarians when he proposed slashing their budgets.

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The downside of being ‘young and dumb’

By Doug Page | Tue, June 23, 2009, 01:07 PM

Just after 11 on a Friday night, a motorist called Englewood Police about a group of kids placing traffic cones across a street as if it were closed.

It didn’t take officers long to run down the ne’r-do-wells: a trio of 18-year-olds and a juvenile. According to the police reports, two of the young men stole the traffic cones from a construction site in Union.

The crime unraveled when police stopped a van matching one witnesses saw at the scene. The young lady driving told police her friends had been messing with the traffic cones, but that she was not involved. When served with a summons for criminal mischief, she started crying, saying her friends would vouch for her innocence.

The officer suggested she call her friends and have them come to the scene, which she did. Before they arrived, other officers identified and stopped a second vehicle containing three young men. All of whom copped to the crime.

Asked why did something so silly, one responded because they were “young and dumb.” All three admitted it was pretty stupid.

All were charged with criminal mischief.

(In the spirit of full disclosure, this reporter also has a history of doing pretty stupid things dating back to the dark ages of teen-hood. I recall it cost me $250, which was a lot in 1971.)

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Recall, politics, fear and hard times

By Doug Page | Sun, June 21, 2009, 08:19 PM

If history is a guide, Trotwood is no Moraine.

For the first time, Trotwood residents are circulating petitions to recall their mayor of 18 months.

Moraine residents have made recall a city sport, recalling election officials on a revolving basis. At one point, those recalled mounted recall campaigns against those who recalled and replaced them.

Understand that under state law or city charter, a citizen has the right to launch a recall for any reason under the sun or moon.

Don’t like the way he parts his hair? Disapprove of the car she drives? Feel diminished because city officials don’t like your ideas?

Recall the bums.

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