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‘The Fat One’ rules opening of ‘Dancing’ season 4 …
Season 4 of Dancing with the Stars is off to a pretty good start. The 2-hour live show was a bit long in places and wore you down towards the end, but Heather Mills was worth the wait. Her leg didn’t fall off. We can all cheer and the village is saved. “Whoopie!”
Did anyone really think it would fall off anyway? Come on, that probably won’t happen, though it would make for some very interesting TV.
The male stars danced the cha cha and the female stars danced the foxtrot.
Onward …
IAN ZIERING The first dancer was Ian Ziering and the FINE Cheryl Burke (who was partner to winners of season 3: Emmitt Smith and season 2: Drew Lachey). Ian is a good dancer. Not only is he tall and sleek but he glides well and was very fluid and has the charisma to win over the judges and even some of America’s votes. However, he had the unfortunate task of going first so it is easy to forget how good he was. I look for Cheryl to bring out some great moves with this guy when it counts.
I gave Ian and Cheryl’s first performance a 7. I wanted to go 8, but he was good and fluid but didn’t really make the impact needed for one going first in a 2-hour live show. I wanted more.
Score: 21 (Bruno Tonioli: 7; Carrie Ann Inaba: 7; Len Goodman: 7).
PAULINA PORIZKOVA Next up was the 80’s supermodel Paulina Porizkova with partner Alec Mazo. Blah, blah, blah. They were OK. The performance was all but forgettable. They had smooth and crisp dips in the Foxtrot and their steps were on point, but they failed to fizzle past a 19 total score (Len Goodman: 6, Carrie Ann Inaba: 6, Bruno Tonioli: 7). But can you fizzle with a foxtrot? Apparently so. I gave her a 7.
Score: 19 (Len Goodman: 6; Carrie Ann Inaba: 6; Bruno Tonioli: 7)
BILLY RAY CYRUS Then we have Billy Ray “achey-breaky” Cyrus with the wonderful Karina Smirnoff. Where do I start? This guy immediately begged the question: Why is he trying to look like KEITH URBAN? (compare Billy Ray Urban to the real Keith Urban and tell me if I’m wrong! LOL!
He has a awesome partner but still came off looking like Larry The Cable Guy. Seriously, he’s gone next week if he doesn’t have a miracle. He’s the weakest link. He’s terrible. He showed way too much rock star and at the end of the dance he botched the part where he was supposed to pull of her wig. LMAO!!! I think he actually got a paw full of her real hair. Talk about wardrobe malfunction!
Bruno Tonioli gave the line of the night at the end of Urban’s I mean Cyrus’ dance: “You look like a crazy bear lost in a swamp.”
‘nuff sed.
Score: 13 (Carrie Ann Inaba: 5, Bruno Tonioli: 4, Len Goodman: 4); my score 4.
LEEZA GIBBONS Snooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Is she done yet? She just lost my interest. I was looking forward to her because she’s LEEZA GIBBONS. One of the hottest tv personalities Entertainment Tonight has ever had. Plus, she was representing for the 50-something crowd. I think that got to her because she was as about as smooth on the floor as a Volkswagen Camper Van. Were her hips botoxed or something? Because there was no motion. She looked too concerned about whatever … and was very unnerved.
The judges were merciful with her: 15 (Bruno Tonioli: 5, Carrie Ann Inaba: 5, Len Goodman: 5). And so was I: 5, hopefully she brings the noise next week. Oh, and her partner was … maybe we’ll care more next week.
JOEY “Fat One” FATONE Joey was good. In hindsight, it shouldn’t be very surprising but it is. I for one totally forgot who Joey Fatone was. I had him with NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK (LMAO!!!) and NOT N’SYNC. It was said that his hip-hop dancing with N’Sync may help him … anyway, N’Sync was NOT a hip-hop dance group, for the record. More pop than anything.
But he danced the Cha-Cha something fierce. He had spark, flavor and you couldn’t take your eyes off of him or his hot partner Kym Johnson. The two had chemistry and were sleek and confident.
Score: Carrie Ann Inaba: 8, Len Goodman: 8, Bruno Tonioli: 8. I gave them an 8, too. Carrie Ann was right, the competition started with this guy. Sorry Ian.
LAILA ALI Then we have the enchanting Laila Ali. Daughter of the baddest man alive: Muhammad Ali. The original Sweet Feet. The Greatest. But can she dance? Yes she can and something nice. I think she may be the sleeper among the ladies. She not only was graceful and fluid and had great form, but she oozed sexiness and confidence. She looked OUTSTANDING just the same. She brought the pain. I gave her an easy 8. Kudos to her partner: Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Bruno Tonioli: 8; Carrie Ann Inaba: 7; Len Goodman: 8
JOHN RATZENBERGER Then we have everyone’s favorite pig from Pixar’s Toy Story, that hilarious mailman from Cheers: John Ratzenberger. He had almost as much energy as the Fat One, but not lacked in execution. Hey, he was a late entry and had only two weeks to prepare (the others had a month). Partner: Edyta Sliwinska.
Score: 17 (Carrie Ann Inaba: 6; Len Goodman: 5; Bruno Tonioli: 6). My score: 7.
SHANDI FINNESSEY Partnered with Brian Fortuna this combo really did look like Ken and Barby (another Tonioli wise crack). Finnessey is very gangly. Beautiful and long. I think she had problems with the extensions because she was either too tall or not flexible enough. If looks could win this thing, they would probably take it home.
Score: 19 (Bruno Tonioli: 7; Carrie An Inaba: 6; Len Goodman: 6). My score: 7. And what was up with her sounding like a typical American with that comment about the Russian trainers? Not very funny at all.
CLYDE DREXLER Clyde “the Glide” Drexler, known more for awesome dunks than dips is NOT a baseball player. But he will not be known for dancing if he doesn’t show that BIG is beautiful. The judges gave a sympathetic and well deserved dump on the big guy. I’m interested in seeing how he and partner Elena Grinenko sell their next performance. I gave them a 6. Score: 16 (Carrie Ann Inaba: 6; Len Goodman: 5; Bruno Tonioli: 5)
HEATHER MILLS They were selling this one big time. Putting her next to last of a 2 hour show was smart but dumb. I kinda got tired of them selling her disability like it was impossible. I doubt very seriously they would let her get on television and be so ill-prepared and equiped that her prosthetic goes flying off into the band section (hey she did bring a spare). But we bought it hook, line and sinker. Partner: Jonathan Roberts.
On that note, Mills wasn’t bad at all. She was graceful and nice to look at. Score: 18 (Len Goodman: 6; Bruno Tonioli: 6; Carrie Inaba: 6). My score: 6.
APOLO ANTON OHNO The guy who can’t make time to practice and has a skunk on his chin disguised as a “soul-patch,” did an OK job. He has an enourmous upside and could win this thing if he would only MAKE time to learn the dances. He’s an Olympian and is competing while doing this show. A first. But if you are gonna do it … you have to try. I don’t think he was trying and STILL he got lucky 7s. Partner Julianne Hough.
Score: 21 (Bruno Tonioli: 7; Carrie Ann Inaba: 7; Len Goodman: 7). My score (yessir): 7. He has that much potential.
So what do you think? Do you think the show needed to be two hours? Were the judges unfair? Did they lean too much on the lady with the artificial leg? Let us know?
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