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StumbleuponFor nonpurists, how to destroy ... er ... edit movies
Friday, July 18, 2008
Q: I know you are going to disdain my question, because being an elitist, you probably want your movies in original form.
I, however, prefer the graphic sex, violence and language edited out.
Is there a way to purchase the edited DVDs directly?
A: I am no elitist. I am a purist, a lone realist in a nation of artistically challenged individuals who prefer to bland everything to death.
There is little content at the movies that outright offends me. Trust me, much of it bores me, but I'm willing to watch what the artist determines is necessary for me to experience his or her oeuvre.
I believe this so much that I cannot believe what I am about to type, which is the answer to your question and, therefore, the very downfall of what is pure and artistically integral to the pastime of moviegoing.
There is a horrible, horrible, disgusting and appalling Web site that provides you with your previously illusive dream of seeing a movie like, say, "Gladiator" with parts to your unliking systematically removed.
It is called goodmoviesonline.com, based in Orem, Utah.
Here's how it works. You buy from them an original DVD. They give you not only that DVD, but a second DVD in which you choose from two edited versions of your movie — similar to PG-13 and similar to PG.
Here's how the site describes a typical PG editing of an "Adult scene: End of date":
"Original scene: Man brings woman home, kissing at the door step, both go to bedroom, see nudity, sex scene, wake up together, seen out together next morning, go to breakfast.
"Edit similar to 'PG': Man brings woman home, kissing at the door step, seen out together next morning, go to breakfast."
Something tells me a movie such as "Knocked Up" wouldn't last very long.
Why can this Web site do this?
Because you are buying an actual DVD of the original movie. You then give the Web site permission to do the editing on a duplicate DVD. You pledge to use the edited backup copy for private use and accept the legal consequences for any breach of terms and conditions.
A sampling of movies they will edit: "Die Hard," "The Departed," "I Am Legend," "Glory," "Little Miss Sunshine," "Juno," "There Will Be Blood" and, believe it or not, "300."
But, Jeanne, there's another way to destroy movies.
Familysafemedia.com offers special DVD players which, with special codes, "edit" more than 2,300 regular versions of rented or owned DVDs. You set certain preferences to skip or bypass graphic violence, suggestive scenes and vulgar language.
The code informs the DVD player "when to mute the sound or skip the frame or scene based on your custom preferences."
And another: Familyediteddvds.com, which seems to operate a lot like goodmoviesonline.com.
It doesn't end there. For DVD rentals: Cleanflicks.com, which has a library of unedited films on DVD that have been "selected to meet our values."
• Special note to special readers:
Many wrote to complain that my list of favorite gambling movies failed to mention "The Cincinnati Kid."
While I admit there is a lot to admire about that movie (Ann-Margret for one), I am persistently bothered that Steve McQueen and Edward G. Robinson say, "I call your blah blah ... and raise you."
That's a poker no-no.
