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Gone Country
A few tips for how not to ‘party foul’ at summer concerts
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By Nancy Wilson,
Staff Writer
2:22 AM Saturday, June 27, 2009
Summer’s in full swing, which means there’s plenty of outdoor concerts around the Miami Valley, especially if you like yours with a little twang.
From Atkins to Urban, with a little Sugarland and Swift for sweetness, country superstars are hitting up Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, county fairs, the Fraze, and the granddaddy of ’em all, Country Concert in Fort Loramie.
This year’s Country Concert lineup is another blockbuster with the likes of Montgomery Gentry, Brad Paisley and Dierks Bentley. Last year, Kenny Chesney himself took the stage at Hickory Hills, and, as usual, brought the house down. That’s how it goes with Kenny. Tailgate parties in the parking lot, sand, drinks with umbrellas and puka shells — or maybe I should say “puke-a” shells?
Wait, what? Oh yeah, as my friend the Gain-Dog would say, major “party fouls” were committed at a KC show last week at the Fargodome. Let’s set the stage, shall we?
PF No. 1: A 26-year-old dude takes his 47-year-old mother to the show.
PF No. 2: The aforementioned dude gets “over-served” and commences to throw up all over the people in front of him.
PF No. 3: Cops are called, ask dude to leave show, he refuses.
PF No. 4: Mama starts swinging at the po-leece.
PF No. 5: Dude and Mama get hauled off to jail, charged with disorderly conduct and resisting or obstructing officers.
PF No. 6 (this is too great!): Dude happens to be a sheriff’s deputy and Mama happens to be married to the local po-leece chief!
Now, these particular party fouls committed by Dude and his mama were obviously excessive, so, to help you with your summer musical enjoyment, Gain-Dog has offered his “Top 10 Party Fouls —Concert Version.”
1. Don’t spill $8 beers.
2. Don’t step on someone else’s flip flops.
3. Don’t sneak cigarettes, then blow the smoke in someone’s face.
4. Don’t put drunk women on your shoulders.
5. Don’t “scring” (scream/sing) the songs when you don’t know the words.
6. Girls, don’t wear bikini tops and shorts if you have a muffin top.
7. Guys, don’t wear tanks tops and shorts to show off your “guns” if you have chicken legs.
8. Don’t forget to wear deodorant if you do rock the tank top.
9. Don’t yell at people in front of you to “sit down!”
10. Don’t get so “over-served” you can’t remember the show (see above Deputy Dude).
One final note, Gain-Dog offers this advice: “Unless you’re not old enough to drive yourself, leave the ’rents at home!”
Contact Nancy Wilson, a morning-radio personality, at WHKO-FM (K99.1), by e-mail through the Web site at k99online.com.
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