Santa arrives at the Dayton mall
2009 Ohio State football
Trotwood-Madison vs. Winton Woods
'My boss's wife tries to tell everyone what to do'
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Dear J.T. & Dale: I work for a family-owned business. There has been a problem lately with my boss's wife trying to tell everyone what to do when it is not her place to do so. Should I say something to my boss, or just keep my mouth shut and start looking for other employment? — Sarah
J.T.: I'd consider approaching your boss only if two conditions are met: one, that she clearly lets her husband take the lead, at least around the office; and two, that you feel certain he wouldn't want to lose employees because of his wife. If those are true, then I'd approach the issue gently, saying, "I was hoping you could give me some direction on how to work better with your wife." You must make it clear that her involvement is hurting the business and not just your feelings. Even so, the odds are against you. In my experience, it usually is better to just keep quiet. If the wife finds out you have approached her husband about her behavior, she could make life miserable for you.
DALE: Here's a simple rule for working with husband-and-wife teams: Treat them as if they are two halves of the same person — just assume anything you say will be heard by the other. And, by the way, let me back up and take exception to your premise, Sarah, that it was "not her place" to act as boss. In an emotional sense, and even a legal one, it IS if the company is also hers. So, instead of resenting her involvement, turn it to your advantage. Here is a great opportunity to practice your diplomatic skills. (For background, try reading a biography of Nancy Reagan.) And remember, your boss's wife undoubtedly feels the resentments of the staff — if you're the one to reach out and treat her as co-boss, you can create an alliance with her that will help you and the company.
Dear J.T. & Dale: Last March I was hired as a receptionist. My boss kept saying how wonderful I was. Then I got pregnant. My boss started asking me all sorts of questions that I thought were not quite right, maybe even illegal. I didn't understand how she could treat me so differently just because I was pregnant. I had to take off a few days with horrible morning sickness, and I ended up having a miscarriage. Then I had to have surgery. When I finally came back, for what I thought was for good, they told me I am a seasonal employee and will be laid off in April. I contacted lawyers, but they want too much money. I don't know what to do. — Sally
J.T.: I hate to say it, because I am offended by what you've gone through, but taking on a discrimination case is expensive and leaves most people emotionally drained. Further, the working world is a small one, and you risk being labeled as a litigious employee. It seems so unfair — and it is.
DALE: Still, we didn't want to pre-judge your situation, so we once again turned to our favorite employment attorney, Scott Gordon of the Rodey Law Firm in Albuquerque, N.M. His initial response was this: "Usually, if an employer wants to retaliate, it will happen without such a long period of advance notice. That may be why Sally is having a hard time finding a lawyer; the 'system' is working and the lawyers don't see this as a valid claim." However, Scott then suggested two alternatives: (1) Your local Department of Labor office (to discuss whether this fits the anti-retaliation provisions of the Family and Medical Leave Act) and/or (2) The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (because it enforces the Pregnancy Discrimination Act, which is part of the Civil Rights Act of 1964). Scott ended on an uplifting note: "If Sally has a legitimate reason to believe that her rights have been violated, then it is important that she seek redress. Consistent enforcement of the anti-discrimination laws is good for employees, good for employers and good for society."
Jeanine "J.T." Tanner O'Donnell is a professional development specialist and founder of the consulting firm jtodonnell.com. Dale Dauten's latest book is (Great) Employees Only: How Gifted Bosses Hire and De-Hire Their Way to Success.
