Orchids from around the world
Beavercreek Popcorn Festival
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2008 MTV VMA show
Yoho! It's a pirate's life for this family, and yours
Sunday, May 27, 2007
As the parent of four kids, Tim Bete has read his share of parenting manuals.
"All those books are pretty much a waste of time," says the Beavercreek dad whose offspring range in age from 2 to 11. "The longer I'm a parent the only thing I find that consistently works is the ability to laugh."
Extras
It's laughter that's his goal in his just-published Guide to Pirate Parenting (Cold Tree Press, $10.95). The paperback spoof provides "everything you need to know to turn your little powder monkeys into happy, healthy buccaneers."
Bete, 45, insists the book is 100 percent content free and that moms and dads will learn how to remove chewing gum or a giant octopus from their child's hair, how to convert their minivan into a pirate schooner and the benefits of raising a pirate. Advice comes directly from Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall.
Bete, who runs the University of Dayton's Erma Bombeck Workshop, says the workshops first inspired him to start writing at the age of 37. His first book, In the Beginning There Were No Diapers, was published in 2005.
Bete grew up in Massachusetts, spending summers in Cape Cod, and now vacations in Maine. The idea for the new book came to him one day at the ocean when his brother-in-law fashioned a pirate ship from driftwood and the two turned an old baby doll into a pirate, using electrical tape as an eye patch and adding a peg leg.
"His 5-year-old went crazy for the doll, and it struck me as a funny concept: how would you raise a baby pirate?" says Bete.
The book, he says teaches every aspect of pirate growth and development, from baby pirate care through the teen years. At PirateParenting.com, he writes that raising a pirate has many advantages: "When other parents hear you're raising your children as pirates," he says, "they'll stop asking you to volunteer at school."
Contact this reporter at (937) 225-2440 or
mmoss@DaytonDailyNews.com.
Excerpts from Tim Bete's book
Why you should raise your kids as pirates ...
Your children already smell like pirates, so the transition will be easy.
How to tell if your new baby has potential to be a pirate ...
When mom's water broke, your baby yelled, "I sail with the tide!"
Your physician asked, "Do hooks run in the family?"
Favorite bedtime stories for young pirates ...
"Goldilocks and the Three Scurvy Dogs"
"Green Eggs and Hardtack"
"Snow White and the Seven Ports"
Bumper stickers for your pirate minivan schooner...
Caution: I brake for buried treasure.
My pirate kidnapped your honor student.
Signs that your teen pirate is ready to venture out on his own ...
Your teen complains that his allowance isn't high enough to pay for "lavish pirate lifestyle."
A high school aptitude test showed your teen has great talent for high treason and skullduggery.
