Life

Sen. Phil Gramm got into political trouble when he declared that when it came to the economy, "we have sort of become a nation of whiners."

If Gramm were talking about America's kids, he would have had my strong support.

Eleven-year-old Kelsey was recently telling me about the problems she was having with her family. She was extremely upset about how unfairly her parents were treating her. She complained about various family rules, but her biggest concern was getting a cell phone. "All my friends have phones! My parents won't get one for me unless I pay for it!" The parents expected her to do enough chores around the house to contribute $5 a month for the phone.

My diagnosis: Spoiled child.

Most of America's kids have never had it so good. They are the most privileged children in history, having more things than kids anywhere in the world. Even so, many of these youngsters are demanding, unappreciative and whiny. They have developed a sense of entitlement. An Xbox 360 and iPod are not gifts to be earned, but rights to be claimed.

Here are the rules for raising whiny children: Give them what they want whenever they want it. Make sure that they understand that everything you do revolves around their whims, wants and wishes. Help them understand that their feelings are more important than their behavior. Avoid limits. Help them feel like they are the most special people in the entire universe, and your job is to keep them occupied, entertained and happy. Don't ever let them feel badly about what they've done.

There seem to be many societal factors promoting this whiny sense of entitlement. However, parents can raise caring and appreciative children.

1. Teach courtesy. It seems so simple, but appreciation begins with the simple words of "please" and "thank you." Have youngsters acknowledge gifts from friends or relatives with a written thank-you note or e-mail. If you do something special for your children, make certain that they acknowledge what you've done.

2. Don't reward complaining. A whiny 3-year-old develops into a demanding 10-year-old. Pay attention to your children's tone of voice, and require them to "say things nicely" rather than in an irritable or grouchy voice. If you enforce this rule with your toddlers, you'll avoid lots of problems as they get older.

3. Understand other cultures. Help your children appreciate their lives by understanding how children of other cultures and eras were raised. They can gain some of this understanding from books, but talk about these issues when you visit local museums.

4. Assign chores. Children of any age should contribute in some way to helping out around the house. Be careful how you explain these tasks to your children. These chores are not to help you as parents. These are family responsibilities with expectations that everyone in the family makes a contribution.

I'm a big advocate of teens having a part-time job in high school. The lessons learned in a real-world work environment mean more than lectures from parents about the value of money.

5. Help others. The prosperity enjoyed by many families is not experienced by all. Involve your children in efforts to help others. Where possible, make this tangible and meaningful for your kids. It's much better to have your children work with you for a few hours at a homeless shelter than simply donate a few cans of food.

Next week: Eights things kids don't know about their parents, but maybe they should.

Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at Children's Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit the Dayton Children's Web site at www.childrensdayton.org and sign up for FamilyWise, a free e-newsletter for parents. Send comments to Ramey at rameyg@

childrensdayton.org.