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Have you resolved to ditch the New Year's resolutions this time around?

Perhaps it's time to consider a different approach.

Instead of the typical — lose weight, get organized, exercise — maybe you deserve to think about your mental health and the emotional baggage that's weighing you down.

Like the friend or relative who turns to you for solutions to every problem, and always has a problem. She calls six times a day and is a definite drain on your psyche.

Perhaps this is the time to tell her you love her, but you're not a therapist.

"You can use the New Year as a time to change your role within relationships," says psychologist Susan Newman, author of The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It — and Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever (McGraw-Hill, $14.95).

"It could be your scatterbrained friend who can never get it together and for whom you always end up picking up the pieces. Or it could be the friend who borrows your CDs or sweaters or books and never returns them."

While you don't want friends or family members to think you're uncaring, this may be the time to say what's on your mind and ask for what you want. Newman says other people aren't mind readers.

"The next time she asks to borrow something, you might want to tell her you're sorry, but that you have a new policy and have decided not to lend your things anymore."

It isn't necessary to be confrontational.

"You don't need to have a blow-up that will sever the relationship permanently," she says. "It can be more subtle. You can just pull back, not be available. After you've said 'no' a number of times, your friend will get the message."

What about your spouse? Perhaps his idea of cleaning up the kitchen and yours are totally different. Maybe he never thinks about wiping down the counters. You'll have to spell it out. Maybe he doesn't understand that you don't mix the white clothes with the dark in the washer. You may have to demonstrate.

If it's your kids, perhaps this is the time to tell them you're tired of picking up after them. Close the bedroom door, and let them know they can't drop their things all over the house. Tell them you don't want to walk in the door every day and be upset.

Changing a relationship is freeing, Newman says, and you'll like the other person better once you've asserted yourself. Once you've rid yourself of what's draining, you'll also have more time for yourself and can begin to think about what might make you happy and give you an emotional lift.

It may be something small — getting your nails done, changing a hair style, learning to ballroom dance, starting a book club. Laughing will make you feel better, too.

Maybe you'll want to take a course at a community college. Or make a new friend who shares your interest in gardening or photography. Either will give you a new perspective.

"The new year marks the beginning of a clean slate, and we feel hopeful," Newman says. "We have a whole 12 months where we can change and fix things."

Contact this reporter at (937) 225-2440 or mmoss@DaytonDailyNews.com.