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Advice for living with the Boomerang generation

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By Katie Wedell, Staff Writer 7:29 PM Saturday, December 25, 2010

A newly minted college graduate, diploma in hand, says goodbye to their roommates and friends, packs up their stuff, and hits the wide open road for — Mom and Dad’s house?

According to a recent poll by Philadelphia research firm Twentysomething Inc., that’s the reality for 85 percent of college seniors who graduated last May. That rate has steadily risen from 67 percent in 2006. Jason Eckert, Director of Career Services at the University of Dayton, said he’s noticed a significant increase in the number of students talking about living with their parents after graduation.

Young adults moving back in with mom and dad are so trendy they’ve been given a nickname — boomerang kids.

For previous generations the idea of moving home had a negative connotation to it, Eckert said.

But that’s not the case with the current generation of college graduates.

“Living with mom or dad after graduation has lost that stigma,” Eckert said. “And parents are more likely than previous generations to welcome their students home.”

Eckert said the economy certainly has had an impact on the number of families choosing this option.

He said in helping students plan for their future beyond college, his office talks a lot about the financial challenges of the first year after graduation.

“I think it’s certainly a very viable economic strategy to live at home, save up money and put away a nest egg,” he said.

Although living at home may have its economic advantages, there are challenges that come with the transition.

Comedy writer and co-author of “How to Raise Your Adult Children: Because Big Kids Have Even Bigger Problems,” Gail Parent, said problems often arise when there isn’t a clear communication of expectations.

“It seems like it’s going to be cozy,” she said. “From the parent’s point of view the empty nest is full again. Kids seem to think they have a while to get started. They seem to think it’s like some sort of vacation.” Next thing you know, she said, the young adult is getting an allowance to sit and watch TV in the middle of the day.

“Parents should be encouraging their kids to grow up and have responsibilities,” she said. The tough economy just means young adults might have to make some concessions like getting multiple roommates or taking a non-ideal job just for the money. “You may not get a job in your chosen career right away.”

Even once they’ve found a career, difficult circumstances can bring young adults back home unexpectedly.

Samantha Hattley, 30, of Lebanon, lived on her own for almost a decade before being laid off and forced to move back into her parent’s house with her new husband and 6-month-old son in tow.

She said it was a culture shock at first, but open communication and honesty are the keys to making the situation work.

“The financial part was the hardest,” she said. “Everybody has to be honest. We had to sit down and prioritize, what can we live without.”

She said it was also hard to adjust to not being able to come and go whenever she felt like it.

“I don’t live by rules per se, but I’m respectful.” She tells her parents where she’s going and when she’ll be back.

Hattley said the living situation has actually been less tense than when she was a teenager and she would recommend moving home as a temporary solution to young adults facing financial trouble.

“If you can suck it up and do it, then do it so you can get back on your feet again.”

Contact this reporter at (937) 225-2124 or kwedell@coxohio.com.

Tips for parents, adult children

Tips from Gail Parent, co-author of “How to Raise Your Adult Children: Because Big Kids Have Even Bigger Problems,” for parents and adult children facing a boomerang situation:

For parents

Encourage your kid to just work for money. They need to at least have pocket money while they search for a “real” job.

Sit down and discuss what you expect from them in terms of financial or other contributions.

You have to be very clear what you’ll tolerate in terms of having friends/significant others over, going out, drinking, etc. But understand that they are going to have a social life.

Above all else remember that it’s your home. Your child needs to respect that.

For adult children

Make sure you are considerate. Talk to each other like two adults would do.

Make plans, because without plans you don’t do anything.

Be willing to make concessions like getting a non-ideal job and living with roommates.

Contribute to your parents’ household, if not financially, then taking out the garbage or other chores.

Be considerate with your social forays. Will your parents be uncomfortable if a date spends the night?

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