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Attitude, goals can help you become person you want to be

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By Meredith Moss, Staff Writer 8:49 PM Monday, August 16, 2010

Change isn’t always easy, but it’s possible.

That’s the encouraging word from both experts and individuals who’ve made significant changes in their lives.

Take Michael Mann for example.

A heroin addict and alcoholic who had been in and out of the workhouse and the county jail for years, Mann says he hasn’t touched alcohol or drugs since February 2003.

These days, as a prevention specialist for the Center of Alcohol and Drug Addiction, he’s helping others make changes in their lives. In his spare time, he teaches urban ballroom dancing, and will perform with his students at the upcoming Dayton African-American Cultural Festival on Aug. 28.

Mann says change doesn’t always happen immediately.

“You need to keep trying if it doesn’t work the first time,” insists the 61-year-old Harrison Twp. resident. “It doesn’t work until we are able to face ourselves and look at our life for what it is, not what we think it is.”

He was hampered for years, he says now, because he was in denial.

“I thought that because I was a college grad and was able to clean up sometimes and get another job that I was OK. I didn’t realize I hadn’t treated the symptoms of my addiction.”

Mann’s ultimate success came through 12 Step recovery programs.

“It doesn’t have to be any specific religion or god,” he says. “It just has to be something more powerful than ourselves that’s loving and caring.”

For Karen Tucker, that caring support came through Weight Watchers, the popular weight loss program. The Dayton woman has lost 167 pounds and is now an instructor,

“I believe people can change but you have to really want it,” says Tucker, 58. “I was so overweight and so unhealthy, I was well over 300 pounds and I could hardly roll out of bed.”

Her moment of truth came when she realized she might not live to see a grandchild.

“I wanted to live,” she realized. “I wanted to be healthy.”

Now she says, life is wonderful. She plays golf and exercises regularly.

“You have to set realistic, smaller goals,” she believes. “And I reward myself for my accomplishments: I buy a new book, get a pedicure, have a girls’ day out.”

Marsha Froelich, executive director of Clothes That Work, says something as simple as a new wardrobe can make a big difference in the life of someone who wants to change.

Her organization provides help to those re-entering the work force. “At Clothes That Work, we realize that clothes are tools,” Froelich says.” But they are tools that can lead to a positive change in self image and presenting a good first impression. In 45 minutes we see a different person than the one who walked in the door 45 minutes earlier. They smile, stand taller and like what they see in the mirror.”

Wright State University social psychologist Martin Gooden says one of the things we can all change is our attitudes. His area of expertise is stereotyping.

“We think about each other in very rigid ways,” he says. “We perceive everything in the world according to categories — so we group men and women, black and white, rich and poor.”

While that may be convenient, Gooden says, we run the risk of using stereotypes to define individuals in a negative way.

So how do we change?

We can begin, says Gooden, by acknowledging that stereotyping is a fundamental human tendency and evaluating our own attitudes, beliefs and behaviors toward other people.

Let’s say, for example, that you consider yourself middle class and see a panhandler on the street. You may typically brush him off because of your stereotype. You may assume he is lazy and doesn’t want a job. You may think he is just going to use the money you give him for alcohol or cigarettes.

The first step toward changing that stereotype, Gooden says, is to be mindful, the second is to examine your behavior.

“Whereas before you might have avoided that person or given him money just to get rid of him, now you might realize you may be unfairly judging him. You might be motivated to talk to him, to recognize his humanity.”

Gooden sums it up this way: First you change the thought, then your feelings, and finally, your actions.

“You can change but you have to be mindful that you’re in this habitual way of thinking and behaving and judge that to be unfair at times.”

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