Lying about your age is just lying to yourself

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By Daryn Kagan Updated 12:33 AM Monday, January 31, 2011

“So this will be your 25th birthday,” a new acquaintance joked recently when he heard of my upcoming birthday.

There was that assumption again. When people — particularly women — get to a certain age, we’re supposed to lie about our age.

Certainly some people sign up for the game.

My own mother, born in 1936, still celebrates her 29th birthday. My friend Betsy a devout Catholic, got to the age of 33 and decided to stop counting. “Good enough for Jesus,” she figures, remembering Jesus’ age when he died, “Good enough for me.” Last spring, I hosted a luncheon in honor of the 7th anniversary of Betsy’s 33rd birthday. You do the math.

It has long confounded me how women lie about their age. Seems to me, if you are inclined to lie, it makes more sense to lie up, rather than down. See, if I tell you I’m 19 years old, chances are you’ll raise an eyebrow of pity and say, “Ooh, Child! You must’ve had some years of hard living!”

But if I tell you I’m, say, 65, you’re sure to be impressed and exclaim, “Wow! You look amazing!”

Lying about my age is also to assume that I was better and happier 25 years ago. That’s simply not the case. I like this version of me a lot better than the one I was back then.

No one shows me that better than my friend 94-year-old Bill Montgomery. I met him in 2007, profiling him for DarynKagan.com. Talk about showing the world what’s possible! Bill became an accomplished sculptor in his 80s after losing his eyesight.

“The day I went blind is the day I finally began to see,” he told me.

Spend a day with Bill and you will learn to see things differently, too. He’ll tell you his life story. How losing his beloved wife was harder than losing his sight. How a simple art therapy class unlocked his astounding, unknown sculpting talent. We’re not talking cute PlayDoh creations. No, Bill’s sculptures can sell for thousands of dollars. He says he creates them by seeing the clay and the images with his fingers.

“Don’t feel sorry for me because my eyes don’t work,” Bill warns. “Yes, this was taken away from me, but at the same time this gift was given to me. This talent was sitting here in my body waiting to come out. All of the sudden this new excitement came into my life.”

Lie about his age? He’d never do that. He believes he was no prize as a younger man. “I was not a happy man,” he remembers. “I had deep persistent doubts. I felt like a fraud, and I definitely had a problem with alcohol.”

Time and age brought Bill sobriety and wisdom. “I’m one of the happiest people you’ll ever meet. One of the things people have when they get into advanced age is boredom. My life, on the other hand is so exciting. Very late in life I found out that what you get is pretty much a choice. I choose to be happy.”

All this from a man who clearly doesn’t have time to worry about lying about his age. He’s looking for the number to get bigger and bigger.

“I’m going on for another 90 years!” he said. “I told my kids on New Year’s Eve, ‘This past year was the best year I ever had,’ and my son said, ’Dad, you say that every year.’ ”

With that Bill let out a huge chuckle. He gets the joke. It’s not lying to the world about your age. It’s about lying to yourself. The truth is happy is a choice and, yes, the best is yet to come.

Daryn Kagan is the creator and host of DarynKagan.com, an online community that features a daily Web cast of inspirational stories. The former CNN anchor and news reporter is the author of “What’s Possible! 50 True Stories of People Who Dared To Dream They Could Make a

Difference.”

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