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‘Mom’ can mean many things, but mostly love

Daryn with her little sister Rodneisha, through the Big Brother/Big Sister Program.

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By Daryn Kagan, Contributing Writer Updated 5:26 PM Friday, May 6, 2011

“Wanted to know if you had any children?” The question came in a short follow-up email from a producer trying to book me for an interview.

What an appropriate question, I thought, as we find ourselves in the Mother’s Day season.

So here are the short answers:

Have I birthed children? No.

Do I have children? Yes.

I’m actually overflowing in the kid department. By last count, there are 10 godchildren, two nephews and two special girls who get large chunks of my time, attention, love and devotion.

Perhaps you’re like me. The picture you had for motherhood didn’t pan out like you planned. Like most women, I always expected to be a mom in the traditional sense. But when I found myself at what felt like the “now or never moment,” having a baby or adopting would’ve meant intentionally becoming a single mother.

“Do the baby now,” some friends encouraged. “The guy can always come along later.” With all due respect to women who have made that choice, it didn’t seem right for me.

I’ve always celebrated and surrounded myself with kids, so loved ones were concerned when I told them I’d decided not to have my own. But a funny thing happened when I closed the door on having my own baby — my life filled up with kids.

I’ve shared how close I am with my beau’s 12-year-old daughter. He’s been a single dad since her mom died a few years ago, so there’s plenty of room for me.

Even before I met them, I made one of the best decisions of my life. I became a Big Sister in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. In 2009, I was matched with the then 8-year-old Rodneisha. Our backgrounds, skin color and ages couldn’t be more different, yet from the first moment I met Ro, it was like meeting a little me. A girl who loves to read, learn new things, play word games and have adventures.

We do little things like bake cookies. And big things like take trips. She bet me she could get straight A’s in fourth grade, a sucker bet if there ever was one. The payoff? I took her to San Francisco last year. It was her first time on an airplane. As we stepped into the airport, her arm went out pointing to something a few feet away. “Wow! Look at that!” she exclaimed. “Sweetie,” I smiled. “That’s where the suitcases come out when you arrive,” I said as I explained the luggage carousel.

Before we took off, she also started educating me. “Daryn,” she said. “You told me this was an airport.”

“Uh, yes,” I replied.

“But it’s also a train station, a shopping mall and an art gallery!” she said.

Indeed she’s right, as we had to take an underground train to get to the plane, saw sculptures along the way and buzzed past a zillion shops — all things that had just been a blur to me before.

Then there are moments, like Rodneisha getting ready to jump off a diving board for the first time last summer.

“Daryn, do you think I can do it?” she asked me.

I still tear up thinking of the honor and enormity of this special girl looking to me to define what’s possible in her young life.

These days life revolves around the schedule of these special kids in my life rather than breaking news and climbing the corporate network news ladder.

As my friends like to say, “For someone who doesn’t have kids, you sure do have a lot of kids!”

In this Mother’s Day season, let me salute all you moms out there, including my own, who is turning 75 years old this year.

For anyone who is feeling a void without kids in your life, I’m happy to share my journey. I found it’s not that I was meant to have kids. Kids were meant to have me.

Open your heart to that idea and you’ll find there is no shortage of kids who need you and have room in their heart.

Daryn Kagan is the creator and host of DarynKagan.com, an online community that features a daily webcast of inspirational stories. The former CNN anchor and news reporter is the author of “What’s Possible! 50 True Stories of People Who Dared To Dream They Could Make a Difference.”

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Daryn wants to hear your stories of hope. Send your stories to Life@DaytonDaily News.com. Please include your name, hometown and a phone number where you can be reached. Also include “What’s Possible” in the subject line.

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