Mom: Did I do a good job?

Like in many households, birthdays always brought celebration and special treatment. Maybe we should approach every day like it's a birthday.

Submitted Photo Like in many households, birthdays always brought celebration and special treatment. Maybe we should approach every day like it's a birthday.

Submitted Photo Vacation time is always cherished for supplying a large dose of quality time and fun.

Photos: Photos my son doesn't want you to see

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By MB Hopkins Updated 6:32 PM Friday, May 8, 2009

My son just took his written driver’s test for his temporary license.

Unfortunately, he passed.

To imagine my teen-aged boy getting behind the wheel of a car and driving off to a school event — or to a part-time job — makes me realize how close he is to being able to spread his wings and try to fly, regardless of whether I’m “ready.”

Have I taught him everything I meant to teach him? Was he too protected to just let loose out into the world?

Did my efforts to instill a sense of self-respect and respect for all living things, a sense of appreciating diversity, the importance of honesty and compassion, a sense of setting personal goals and achieving them, a sense of responsibility for his actions and his responsibility as a member of the human race sink in?

The hardest thing to watch when he was growing up was when I knew a decision he’d made or an idea he’d had was going to fail — and NOT pre-empting that failure with my own opinions; for it was the experience of failure that helped give him his character. I taught him to understand that failing did not equal quitting.

What was equally important, however, was to acknowledge to him if I was wrong, which certainly happened more than a few times when he was growing up. Out of that admission came an understanding that, as humans, we are all fallible — even your mom! Added to that, the lesson about forgiveness. And kindness.

For all of you who have a thoughtful child, it’s important to foster that thinking. At age 3, my son propped up his chin in his hand as he leaned on a table, and said in the most sincere voice, “Mom, I’ve been thinking and thinking. I just can’t figure out why God made volcanoes?”

Oh, what a parent could answer in that situation. My reaction did not include even the slightest grin (though I was smiling big inside at the notion of my son’s developing cognitive ability). We proceeded to have as deep a conversation as one can have with a  3-year-old, all very “serious.”

That I took his concerns genuinely seemed to make him all the more willing to share them with me. He knew he could ask me anything, and it would be OK.

A few years later, another “thinking” question: “Mom, I’m trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I can’t decide whether to be a doctor (pause), or work at Meijer’s because you get a discount.” Now, there’s a thinking young man. He knew “doctor” was good because he’d heard it. But he also knew that nearly everything we needed, from milk to lawn mower oil, came from Meijer.

I think back at the stretches of truth I made on various occasions, sometimes just to drive a point home. Around age 8, my son, on a day care field trip, decided at the prodding of his buddies to pick up a pay phone and dial 911 and hang up. What to do with that one? Just yelling at him seemed pointless. I wanted to have more impact and teach him about responsibility for actions.

In cooperation with the local police department, we set into motion a serious lesson. We took a little field trip to the police department to talk about what he had done that day.

The officer in charge did a fine job of explaining what 911 calls were for, and gave a relatively gentle scolding. After that, the officer took my son into the dispatch room for 911 calls, and announced to the group that one young man had an apology to make.

Have I done OK in the end? Is my boy, who is getting ready to drive, responsible enough for this rite of passage?

I’m hoping yes.

Sure, he’ll still make mistakes. But as I see him getting ready to fly, I have to feel that I’ve truly done my best to mold a fine young man ready to independently join this human race and do his part in making this a better world. It still doesn’t matter to me if he’s a doctor or works at Meijer.

What’s more important is his own feeling of self-worth and contribution. I love him so much.

Contact this writer at (937) 225-2389 or mhopkins@ DaytonDailyNews.com.

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