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Life’s milestones include beginnings and endings

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By Daryn Kargan 4:08 PM Saturday, March 26, 2011

I got stuck this week.

Stuck between beginnings and endings.

There I was all set to host a celebration for a very happy beginning. My friend, Betsy, surprised us last month by eloping with her wonderful boyfriend, Ryan.

This is a woman who I literally went to war with. She was my CNN producer when I covered the start of the invasion of Iraq in 2003 from Kuwait. When you’ve been to war together, you’re bonded for life. She knows me well enough to know that it would take more than eloping to get out of letting me host a shower for her.

So there I was, knee deep in planning and shopping when I received news from another friend, Tracy. Her mom, Helen, died suddenly the day before Tracy’s 50th birthday. This certainly wouldn’t be the way she planned to celebrate her milestone.

As soon as I heard Tracy’s news, I knew immediately that I had to be at her mother’s funeral, even though it was two hours away. Thinking back to my own dad’s funeral in 2007, I’m still overwhelmed by all the people who turned out for him and my family. Few gestures have ever meant more.

I felt confident I could rearrange just about anything to make it to Helen’s funeral. Anything but Sunday afternoon, that is, when I would be hosting 20 ladies at my house for Betsy’s shower. “Oh, don’t worry about that,” our mutual friend Craig assured me. “Christians don’t hold funerals on Sunday afternoon.”

Just as we were making plans to drive down together, the email arrived. Helen’s service was set for Sunday at 2 p.m.

And that’s how I found myself stuck between being there for one friend’s happy beginning and being there for another friend facing one of the saddest goodbyes of her life.

Which is more important? Beginnings or endings? I struggle with that.

Apparently, I’m not alone. I saw a story this week on CNN.com about a Japanese couple set to marry in Tokyo on March 20. They seriously considered postponing their nuptials. After all, who could gather to celebrate a joyous event when the country was dealing with the earthquake, tsunami and nuclear meltdown?

The young couple ultimately decided not only could they proceed as planned, they needed to. By gathering their most important people, they showed the strength of the human connections and hope that life does go on. One guest told them, “Today, you guys made me think it will be all right.”

We’ve all had our beginnings and our endings. But is one more important than the other? In situations like these, how do you choose?

For me, happy beginning won out over sad ending. I must admit it wasn’t with reasoning as grand and hopeful as lifting up a struggling nation. Rather, it was a decision of numbers. Twenty ladies on their way to my house seemed too big a function to move.

As I looked at the joy on Betsy’s face with her favorite women folk gathered around her, I realized that our beginnings and endings are actually woven together. This wedding followed a very painful divorce and four years of being so, so lonely and sad. Just when it seemed hopeless, Betsy met her match. Ryan is so perfect for her. I don’t think even we, her best girlfriends, could’ve made him up if we tried.

And so that day, I embraced the role of Hostess with the Mostest. I set an abundant table of delicious food, decorated with flowers, and welcomed the ladies into my home, all the while thinking about Tracy.

Next up is rescheduling Tracy’s 50th birthday party. We’ll celebrate the beginning of the next half of her life and yes, raise a glass to her mother, as well.

Daryn Kagan is the creator and host of DarynKagan.com, an online community that features a daily webcast of inspirational stories. The former CNN anchor and news reporter is the author of “What’s Possible! 50 True Stories of People Who Dared To Dream They Could Make a Difference.”

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