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By Daryn Kagan 1:45 PM Saturday, October 29, 2011

Not too long after my friend’s young husband died from a rare cancer, she confessed to me what felt like one of her darkest, unspoken feelings.

“If one more person brought over a chicken casserole while Will was sick,” she shared, “I think I was going to scream.”

Therein lies one of the toughest spots we face as friends. The people we love face challenges. Bad stuff happens. Sometimes unspeakable bad things, like a new father dying of cancer months after his first child is born.

We want to do something to help and support, but we just don’t know what, so we make the proverbial chicken casserole. At least they know we care.

“You know what would’ve been great,” my friend shared. “If someone offered to come over to rock our new baby. Or maybe tear out interesting magazine articles so I’d have something short to read during those endless hours in the hospital.”

My friend didn’t have the energy or the tools to ask for and organize what would truly have helped her as she was overwhelmed with the tragedy enveloping her family. So, with each chicken casserole that friends dropped off, she simply said, “Thank you.”

Fran, Aimee and Stephanie Kandrac understand my friend’s situation very well. They are a team of a mother and her daughters who have seen a similar challenge when Stephanie’s friend, Laura Crawley, battled brain cancer a few years ago.

The Kandracs saw the power of coordinating team work in helping to support Laura and her family. Laura ultimately lost her battle, “But we were determined that her legacy would not be sadness,” Aimee told me. “Instead, we wanted to bring the power of Laura’s Team to others.”

That’s how WhatFriendsDo.com was born. It’s a one-stop website where you can organize friends and family into a team that can really deliver the kind of help someone in need desires.

“The Help Board is the key,” Aimee told me. The person in need can list the kind of help they really want on a calendar. Team members can pick and choose what fits their time and budget. “Oh, walk the dog on Wednesday? I can handle that,” one person notices. “Carpool for the kids Monday, Friday,” another claims as it fits into their routine so easily.

There’s also a place for blog updates and to leave messages of encouragement, so the person in need doesn’t need to respond to a bunch of email, voicemail and text messages.

Sometimes the request is for a moment of joy. Laura had asked that of her team the last Christmas she was too sick to go out. All it took was a single email to the team and Presto! Instant Christmas Carol Chorus. Most of the carolers, ages 6 months to 70 years, didn’t even know each another.

The group surprised Laura with the best Christmas concert of her life right at her doorstep. That led to a Twelve Days of Christmas ongoing party and ultimately the realization that every day can be a party. Go to the WhatFriendsDo.com website and you’ll find ways to celebrate important dates like National Raspberry Cream Pie Day, National Wiggle Your Toes Day, and National Middle Child Day.

You get the idea? There are so many ways to say, “I love you and I’m here for you,” other than dropping off a chicken casserole. And for those who think it’s hard to ask for help, I offer that we don’t hesitate to register for things we want during joyful times like weddings, why should it be different to ask when times are tough? We friends would love to give you exactly the support you need — after all, that’s what friends do.

Daryn Kagan is the creator of DarynKagan.com. She is the author of “What’s Possible! 50 True Stories of People Who Dared To Dream They Could Make a Difference.”

Life

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