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Social media has opened new options for users looking to find love

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By Lauren Karch, Staff Writer 5:52 PM Monday, March 1, 2010

Are you looking for friendship, dating or a relationship?

Social media is changing the way people become acquainted. Amy Spencer, relationship guru and author of “Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Finding Your Perfect Match,” says this type of networking has opened new paths in the dating world.

“We have so much at our fingertips that people can use for the better,” Spencer says.

Social media such as Facebook has opened new options for users looking to find love. Unlike online dating Web sites, social networking programs allow people to meet others via mutual acquaintances.

“These are people that come pre-approved through your friends,” Spencer says.

Dasha O’Leary, a student at Miami University, met Jordan Stine, a Bowling Green student from the Dayton area, while keeping in touch with a friend from her hometown of Toledo. Stine, the neighbor of a friend of O’Leary’s, had posted a message on the same person’s wall.

“I offhandedly said Jordan was cute on a friend’s status that he had previously commented on, and then he ‘friend requested’ me,” she says. “We probably would have met eventually because we have mutual friends; I guess Facebook just brings with it a new medium to meet people.”

The two kept in touch online and over the phone before arranging to meet. Spencer says that today’s low-pressure methods of contacting others makes the dating atmosphere more comfortable.

“There used to be one way to contact people: by phone. Now there are so many ways to contact each other — texting, tweeting, e-mail, all these social-media messaging systems — the contact is more casual,” she says. “People don’t have to wait by the phone for somebody to call. You can get their contact information and contact them, and it’s not a big deal.”

Spencer points out that Facebook and similar media allow users to make their interests and personal information public. For those interested in dating, this allows others to find both shared friends and shared interests. Spencer suggests using your online identity to give insight to the “real you.”

O’Leary agrees. For those in their 20s, she says, social networking helps new acquaintances find common ground.

“Facebook has become a tool for young people to be able to instantly relate to someone, find common interests and ultimately break the ice,” she says.

Making your life accessible through just a few clicks can be dangerous, Spencer warns, especially when others can contribute photos and comments to your online profile. While friends’ postings allow others to learn about you, little is left private. Going on a date on Friday and taking someone else to Saturday’s big party? You can bet that Friday’s suitor will discover someone else’s online photos from that party.

“Your whole world’s out there. In a way, it’s a call to live your life on the up-and-up,” Spencer says.

In this sense, social networking promotes honesty. To avoid snafus caused by spilled secrets, Spencer says to be honest about your personal life both online and with potential romantic partners. At the same time, it’s important to put your best self online: “Use the social networking to try and control and sell your image. Don’t put anything online that you wouldn’t show to someone you’d meet in person.”

Another snag in the online road to love? Casual e-contact superseding real face time.

“Casualness is helpful, but it can create a lot of confusion. Instead of calling you, they ‘friend’ you. Instead of asking you out, they tweet to five of their friends saying you should all go out sometime,” Spencer says.

Some keyboard-free contact is required to build a relationship. Social media makes it easy to cut out face time, Spencer warns. It’s important to “fill in the blanks,” the personal traits and endearing (or deal-breaking) characteristics that can’t be communicated through online messages.

“All that makes you feel so close, because it’s so immediate,” she says. “Typing doesn’t give you the same read as a face-to-face meeting.”

Spencer says that, online or off, sustained contact is a major indicator of sustained interest.

“If they like you, they’ll want to keep in contact with you,” she says.

Spencer says that a positive outlook can make social networking a positive way to meet people.

“Think, how can I make the most of this for me?” she says. “You’ll find these wonderful ways to take advantage of it.”

Spencer says to avoid “photographing-the-sunset syndrome” by remembering to enjoy your personal life without placing too much emphasis on documenting it online.

“Don’t get so caught up in the technology that you miss those fun aspects of dating, and live in the moment,” she says. “Instead of getting caught up in updating your status, enjoy the status you’re in.”

Contact this reporter at (937) 225-2383 or  lkarch@DaytonDailyNews.com.

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