Throw out the old rules, find reason to celebrate

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By Daryn Kagan 4:08 PM Friday, May 20, 2011

We’ve got some celebratin’ to do.

By the time the Thanksgiving turkey goes in the oven this year, my mother will turn 75, my brother 50 and my sister-in-law 40. It’s easy to see that it’s time for a party.

Making that happen is another matter. It’s like herding cats as we try to coordinate three kids’ school schedules, work obligations and family members living in two states, three cities and two countries. It might sound like a hassle, but for me it’s worth it.

I love celebrating and entertaining. Someone gets engaged or is having a baby or a birthday, I’m the first to volunteer. “Let me have it at my house. Please?”

I wasn’t always this way. As it seemed, the whole world, but me, was getting married and making babies. Invitations to showers and similar gatherings were like nails on a chalkboard. “When is it going to be MY turn?” I wondered and OK, whined a little bit.

The crescendo came some time ago as I ran into a recent boyfriend at work who had decided to marry the girlfriend he dated before me. He went on and on about how fun the wedding celebration was and how great it was getting all his people together.

“He gets to break my heart AND have his people together?” I cried into a pillow.

That’s when I did it.

I decided to throw out the traditional rules and make it my turn. “Why wait to celebrate?” I declared. Why wait to have the joy of having my people meet my people?

So I made a list of my best friends. “I want my people to meet my people,” the invitation read. “I guess much of that happens at weddings and baby showers. Well, I’m no longer waiting for that. They get to come later.”

With that I created “Soul Spa,” a three-day weekend of bonding, sharing, pampering, exploring and spirituality. It was so much fun to create. No rules to follow. No groom or family members to consult. The only limitations were by imagination and budget.

What a magical time that was. And what do you know, in the process of creating the weekend, I met a great love. Others who came to that weekend with their own challenges had incredible things happen to them, as well. Somehow, new jobs were found. A couple friends dealing with infertility became pregnant within the year.

Turns out Soul Spa was just the beginning of my unconventional celebrating. One of the best parties I’ve ever thrown was an “Independence Shower” for a friend moving out of her boyfriend’s condo. She didn’t have so much as a spoon to her name.

She looked at me like I was nuts when I told her I wanted to throw a party. She felt like such a failure.

“Failure?” I replied. “No, this is about fresh starts, bold moves, new beginnings! Who doesn’t want to celebrate that?” I insisted.

What a happy day as all these women gathered, bringing a pile of gift cards — enough to stock our guest of honor with kitchen plates and utensils and a bathroom of fresh towels.

That’s how I get to where I am planning the 75-50-40 family birthday party. Pretty much all I know is it will happen in late July in Southern California. I’ll figure out the rest as time goes on.

Meanwhile, I have to ask: What celebrating are you putting off? What wild and crazy thing could happen if you threw the traditional order out the door?

Maybe you’re already doing this. Please let me know how you’re showing it’s possible to throw out the old rules.

Daryn Kagan is the creator and host of DarynKagan.com, an online community that features a daily webcast of inspirational stories. She is the author of “What’s Possible! 50 True Stories of People Who Dared To Dream They Could Make a Difference.”

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