When change smacks you, you can smack it back

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By Daryn Kagan, Staff Writer 2:22 PM Friday, December 17, 2010

“Did you ever see it coming?”

That’s what a lot of people ask me about losing my anchor job at CNN.

For the longest time my immediate response was, “Not at all.”

But as time has passed and the next chapter of my life has taken shape, I can look back on that time like an archeologist digs through a disaster site. Then I see what I bet many of you have experienced with big changes in your own life.

I was getting ready all along. I just didn’t know it.

On the outside my life was like the shiny candy coating on an M&M. In my 12-year career at CNN I covered some of the most important events of that time. Perhaps you were watching on 9/11 as I reported the second plane crashing into the World Trade Center Tower. Or you saw me report live from Kuwait during the start of the war or travel to Africa with Bono or even get all dolled up and go live from Oscar’s red carpet.

There’s no doubt about it — being a CNN news anchor is an amazing job. I loved it on the outside.

On the inside there was more struggle.

I came back from covering the war convinced that risking my life for the big story would make the network fall in love with me and give me a huge promotion. Instead, I returned to the same job while the bosses’ crush du jour focused on someone who had been there a few months.

I also thought going through war with my then-beau would cement our relationship. He came back and married an old girlfriend.

It was definitely a hit-your-forehead-into-a-brick-wall, “What’s the point of all that I do if it doesn’t bring the results that I want?” miserable time of my life.

What a gift misery can be.

It made me open. Open to a new way of thinking. Open what started as a toe-dipping spiritual journey that has grown into a full relationship with God.

I figured out that it’s not what I do that has the power. It’s who I am when I do it.

That turned out to be a whole different formula than waiting around for people to pick me or do for me. I could get up each day, deciding to focus on positive things happening in my life and what I could do for others, rather than waiting for them to do for me. It’s almost like child’s play when you first try it, like holding a Star Wars laser. This is powerful stuff.

Since I was assigned to a non-prime time show I had flexibility in what we put in the newscast. I created a segment called, “Your Spirit,” stories about people who were doing positive things in the world. I loved doing those stories, even though I shot and wrote them on my own time.

When the CNN job went away, I suddenly had the chance to ask myself what I really wanted to do, and the idea of a job where I reported doom and gloom every day didn’t seem like a match.

I decided I no longer wanted to do traditional news.

This is not to say my friends and family turned into a giant cheering section. Frankly, they were shocked, worried and appalled.

“Er, do you not see how good you are at your job?” they pointed out. “Did you not notice the size of your news anchor paycheck? You could go get another job at Fox, MSNBC or a local news station.”

True. True. And True. Except for one problem. I didn’t want to anymore.

The inspiring stories were really the ones that made my heart go, “Zing!”

I created my website, DarynKagan.com, where every story fits the theme, “Show the World What’s Possible!” I can now see the seeds of my new career chapter were in that “Your Spirit” segment I had created for my CNN show. It’s the same type of content, only now I own it.

I also could’ve been sad about being single. The positive flip side was there was no husband to tell me I couldn’t take this leap at my dream. And when I see the man my war romance turned out to be I cue up Garth Brooks, “Thank God for unanswered prayers ... ”

The website and company have grown to include TV and radio projects, and I just turned in my second book, which will come out in the fall. And now this newspaper column.

If you’re in the midst of change that feels like it slapped you across the face like a flying frozen trout, you might go on your own archeological dig. Are there signs that you’ve actually been getting ready? Are there seeds of secret dreams you didn’t even dare speak to yourself?

I keep a card on my desk that has helped me through many a difficult day. Written by the great Western author Louis L’Amour, it reads, “There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.”

I’ve certainly felt that everything is finished. The idea that the wrecking ball swinging at your life is the beginning of anything can be harder to sign up for. I’m suggesting you just might find the seeds of that beginning long before the end slapped you across the face.

Take a look. Let me know what you find.

After all, this column is about you as much as it is about me.

Send me your stories of your new beginnings and together we’ll show Dayton “What’s Possible!”

Daryn Kagan is the creator and host of DarynKagan.com, an online community that features a daily Web cast of inspirational stories. The former CNN anchor and news reporter is the author of “What’s Possible! 50 True Stories of People Who Dared To Dream They Could Make a Difference.”

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