While loved ones grieve, hold hope in your heart

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By Daryn Kagan, DarynKagan.com 7:53 PM Saturday, March 12, 2011

One of my friends is having a terrible time. This isn’t just any friend. “Alison,” I’ll call her, lived the kind of life that would leave you in awe — married to an adoring husband, healthy children, financially very well off.

Then came last year.

First, her mother died. Alison and her mother had long had a difficult relationship. Yet, they seized the end of her mother’s life to finally find common ground, peace, and ultimately, great love.

Her mother’s passing devastated Alison. She misses her mother so very much.

In the midst of her deep grieving, she found out her long marriage was actually built on lies. The adoring husband? He’d been cheating on her for years.

This is not the life Alison chose. It’s not the life she deserves. She is beyond sad, in that deep dark place you go when you don’t know when or how you’ll find your way out.

My heart breaks for her. I kind of feel protective, wanting to say, “Wait! Alison isn’t supposed to get the hard times. That’s my job. I’ve had my share and I know I can make it through. I don’t know if she has the tools to do so.”

That is silly thinking, of course. Who is to truly know what any of us is supposed to experience or what any one of us will be able to endure?

And then there is this. With all the unwelcome surprises, there is one more bit of news that I know Alison is not yet ready to hear: This just might be the best year of her life.

I’ve come to see in my own life that great loss, disappointment and heartbreak have propelled me to take the greatest leaps. My latest career reinvention telling inspiring stories?

Wouldn’t have happened if CNN renewed my news anchor contract. My beau who adores me and treats me like a queen? I met him the day my last love married someone else.

Maybe you’re the uber-motivated type who wakes up one morning and declares, “Today, I’m going to let go all the relationships, emotions and jobs that no longer serve my life. I’m going to take that scary step forward!”

If so, good for you. But I think most of us need a good, shocking kick in the pants.

I also know that when I was grieving those losses, I wasn’t ready to know that losing those things was in my best interest.

That’s why I will wait to tell Alison that information. Meanwhile, I will hold space.

Many years ago, during an earlier heartbreak, my friend, Gina, gave me a great gift. She told me that a much better man was on his way to me. She would hold that dream in her heart.

It was such a relief. I could just feel my sadness and let someone I trusted hold onto the hope.

It’s what I will do now for Alison and what I’m asking you to do for that friend of yours who is hurting so badly today. Let them off the hook for hope.

I’m not saying give up on hope. Simply lift the burden of belief. Let them mourn and heal. And as they do, assure them that hope, big dreams and peace are safely guarded in a special place in your heart. Hold space.

It’s like you’re seeing a trailer of the movie that’s on the way — the movie called “The Best Year of Your Life.”

Daryn Kagan is the creator and host of DarynKagan.com, an online community that features a daily webcast of inspirational stories. The former CNN anchor and news reporter is the author of “What’s Possible! 50 True Stories of People Who Dared To Dream They Could Make a Difference.”

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