British, country royalty take different paths to altar

I’ll admit it; I watched the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton last Friday during our morning show.

My radio partner, Frye Guy, was scoffing and making fun, but after a while, he even got caught up to some degree. Sure there was tons of needless hoopla about two people I will never know, but that’s just it.

I cried over Diana’s nuptials in 1981 and sobbed during her funeral in 1997. Nope, didn’t know her either, but I felt like I did. She represented that princess all women want to be, no matter how old we are. When her fairy tale ended, I felt obligated to watch her son’s, in hopes that this romance will last.

But I wasn’t the only one. Country bride-to-be Miranda Lambert tweeted she was up at 5 a.m. to “watch every second of it!” During the morning, she tweeted “so beautiful.” After it was over, she said, “Ok, I admit it, I bawled!”

See? Country’s version of royalty, Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton, will get hitched May 14, but outside the “I wills” is where the similarities between the two weddings will end.

Picture it, Kate Middleton’s dress was top secret, hand stitched and beaded. Miranda’s may be off the rack from “Weddings R Us.” Prince William was dashing in his military uniform with equally delicious brother, Harry, by his side. We just might see Blake show up in his deer hunting camouflage, with his hound dog riding shotgun.

Prince Charles and his wife Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, were two of the more scandalous divorcees at the royal wedding and Prince Andrew’s ex, Sarah Ferguson, wasn’t even invited. Blake and Miranda’s nuptials will probably have too many “white liars” to count.

The royal female guests were required to wear hats as tradition dictates. The gals at the country wedding will be asked to don glitter.

A royal guardsman was uninvited to the wedding after posting derogatory things about Kate Middleton on his Facebook page.

Miranda would have paid him a personal visit loaded with gunpowder and lead. Afterward, the royal couple greeted the crowd shouting, “Kiss, kiss!” at Buckingham palace with not one, but two smooches. Blake and Miranda’s well-wishers will hail the couple with cries of “Get a room!”

At the royal reception, champagne with strawberries was served along with the traditional wedding fruitcake. Blake and Miranda will go straight for the homemade strawberry wine and moon pies.

Fireworks serenaded the royals, as they will also Blake and Miranda — the difference being they bought theirs at a Tennessee roadside stand with giant dinosaur statues in the parking lot.

Kate and William rode off in a convertible Bentley with personalized license plates “JU5T MARRIED” for their first night as a married couple. Blake and Miranda will take a four-wheel drive with tin cans tied to the back and a Yosemite Sam “back off” sticker.

The royal honeymoon is still hush-hush and top secret, but look for Blake and Miranda to head for Gatlinburg, capped with a round of Hillbilly Golf.

Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert’s wedding will not be a public display viewed by millions, but by a few dozen folks who love them. And I would gladly be one of them.

Readers can contact Nancy Wilson, a morning-radio personality at WHKO-FM (K99.1), by email through k99online.com.

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