I will back up a little for those who aren’t familiar with the dating app Tinder.
It is a location-based, hook up/dating app service. You swipe right for those you like or, in the case of Playing the Tinder, someone you like for your pal.
Swipe left for the not-so-desirable.
For the purposes of Playing the Tinder, the friend could be an actual friend, a child, a neighbor, a grandchild or an acquaintance or a friendly stranger you run into in your favorite watering spot.
Think of Playing the Tinder like playing Ms. Pac-Man and Mario Kart Wii rolled up in one micro-social experiment.
Your friend may just give the phone up willingly.
If you are lucky, he or she may be pretty desperate for a “matchmaker’s” advice. There is a better chance for that if he or she has been on an actual Tinder date.
That buddy of yours might need a little convincing if any of those dates, hookups or what have you have resulted in a pleasant experience.
Pro tip: your chances of Playing the Tinder increase if your friend is more “amicable.”
I sometimes present craft beer, a cocktail or red wine as an offering to get a friend to bend to my will and relinquish the cellular device.
I assure he or she that I am in fact an excellent matchmaker and esteemed Tinder player.
Don’t smile too broadly when and if your friend turns over the phone.
This will leave the impression that you are "up to something" that may or may not be of a sinister nature.
Keep that jawline relaxed and hold the phone with a steady hand.
A fact will immediately begin to emerge as you swipe left and right through those who may or may not be your friends soulmate: it is hard out there for a single.
As in real life, you find that looks don’t equal “true attractiveness.” Many Tinder users aren’t exactly looking for true attractiveness, but that’s not your problem.
The hotties are always into things like “hanging out” and “meeting new people.”
Do you really want your friend with someone who likes hanging out and meeting new people?
Rough.
The ones who seem to have the personality aren’t exactly the ones someone wants to look like.
You gain 100 points Playing the Tinder when you Swipe right on someone who looks pretty OK and has a decent enough personality.
Give yourself 500 points every time your friend doesn’t cringe when you swipe this way or that.
Subtract 1,000 points if they somehow get that phone back.
When all is said and done, be grateful you don’t have an account of your own.
The ultimate “Playing the Tinder” victory comes when you friend finds true love.
That victory would can be equaled to finding the elusive Snorlax in Pokemon Go.
You’d get 1 million points for that one.
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