Parenting tips from Gregory Ramey, Ph.D.
How parents can help each other, especially when dealing with depression
I never had much contact with my dad when I was growing up. Although fiercely committed to his family, he worked seven days a week in the neighborhood grocery store to provide for our family. I’d chat with him for a few minutes in the morning, but he typically left ...
Parents can experience disconnect from children
Your decision to create life was born in the unrestrained optimism that having children would help make your existence worthwhile. Perhaps you came from a wonderful family and wanted to give to others the gifts of love, compassion and happiness. Maybe your own childhood was not pleasant, and you wanted ...
Should dad, new wife be invited to child's birthday party?
Q I’m a divorced mom of a 9-year-old, and we are planning a family party for her birthday.When I asked my daughter what she wanted, she said the best present I could give her would be to allow her dad and his new wife to attend her party.I’ve always had ...
Should you immediately say what you feel?
It’s a popular myth that saying what you think and feel is psychologically healthy. It’s not. In fact, it tends to be reflective of people with poor impulse control, narcissistic personalities or emotional problems. One of our jobs as parents is to help children control their emotions and think before ...
Self-control essential to have when raising children
I receive many questions from parents about how to help their kids behave more appropriately, feel positively about themselves, and make better choices. These words reflect what parents feel is important in raising their children. These attributes certainly do matter, but they do not capture what research has indicated to ...
There are a few things to learn from Tiger Mom
It’s distressing to read Amy Chua’s provocative recounting of her parenting approach in “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.” Chua enforced incredibly high standards for her daughters, restricting them from TV, school activities, sleepovers and anything she regarded as extraneous to their academic or musical achievements. Her girls were expected ...
Notes and quotes from 2010 deserve recognition
Bad Advice Award went to a commercial for the Winter Olympics, for the ad that proclaimed that “If you dream it, you can do it.” This sounds nice, but it is a terrible message for our kids. Dreams accomplish nothing. Accomplishments are built upon hard work, persistence, sacrifice and talent, ...
Why allowing failure can raise successful children
We are making extraordinary and inappropriate efforts to enclose our children in a kind of psychological bubble wrap to protect them from any distress, dangers or difficulties.That was my message at a recent parenting workshop.Allow your children to fail, and learn from the experiences of sadness, rejection, hurt and even ...
Parental praise should not be child’s sole source of motivation
Q My 11-year-old daughter is a wonderful child, but I wonder sometimes if she is too dependent upon our praise and recognition. She comes to me or her dad expecting us to praise her for even very modest accomplishments. She’s constantly asking if we are proud of her and still ...
Kids have tough time coping with death
“Why did God kill my dad?” asked 11-year-old Mason.“Your dad died of lung cancer,” I responded. “He smoked cigarettes for many years, and the tobacco in cigarettes can cause serious health problems.”My response, although factually accurate, was a dumb thing to say. I try to be extremely careful in talking ...
Teenager asks for ‘psychological tricks’ to help him hook a girlfriend
After six months in which we dealt with everything from death to divorce, I was about ready to end therapy with 16-year-old Tyler and his aunt.“I need help with just one more thing,” Tyler remarked after his aunt left the room.“Teach me some psychological tricks to get a girlfriend,” he ...
Adolescent changes are no excuse for misbehavior
Q: My 13-year-old daughter has been extremely moody lately. She’ll be very happy one moment and be crying over the most minor of situations a few minutes later. I realize she is going through many changes and I try to be understanding of her disrespectful and highly emotional behavior. My ...
Should mom help daughter make decision about sex?
My daughter left her Instant Messenger open, and I read that her partner is pressuring her to have sex. What should I do? Much depends upon the age of your daughter. Assuming that she is under 18 and still under your care, speak with her about her boyfriend’s message. Approach ...
What is it like being a child psychologist?
I enjoy speaking with students about careers in psychology and typically get the following questions about what really goes on in a therapist’s office.Do you ever get tired of listening to people’s problems? If that was my job, I’d find it very unfulfilling. However, a therapist’s job is not just ...
How to talk to children about matters of race
When basketball superstar LeBron James recently announced he was leaving Cleveland to play for the Miami Heat, there was an outcry of condemnation about his decision and the way it was communicated. When the athlete was asked in a recent interview about the role of race in such criticism, James ...
7 smart ways to give advice to kids
One of our most important jobs as parents is to make ourselves unnecessary, so it is critical that we teach our children how to make good decisions on their own. This begins when our children are toddlers and continues even with our adult kids.Here are seven guidelines to consider:1. Focus ...
Should teen expose dad’s infidelity?
“How often do parents cheat on each other?” asked 16-year-old Jason during one of our recent sessions.There was an uncomfortable silence for several moments. I knew this was going to be extremely difficult for Jason to handle, so I started by providing him with some facts about marital infidelity.I told ...
Should I get a divorce for the sake of my kids?
“Would my kids be better off if I got a divorce” is one of the toughest questions I have been asked in therapy. I try to help parents work through this complicated question. The answer has lifelong implications for the entire family.Here are the five factors that I ask parents ...
7 things parents can do to help their kids succeed this school year
The kids are getting ready for school by looking at computers, clothes and calculators. Here are the seven things that parents can do to help their children be successful this school year.1. Make sure your kids get enough sleep. The lack of sufficient sleep has been linked to a variety ...
Should a 9-year-old be allowed to see ‘Twilight’?
Q My 9-year-old daughter is an avid reader and wants to see the movie “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.” She has read the book, and we’ve talked about it a great deal. The story has actually prompted several excellent discussions about love, sex and infatuations. She is an intelligent and mature ...
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