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More grandparents raising kids
Drugs usually to blame for parents' failings; new programs help custodians
Monday, April 02, 2007
To most of the world, 53-year-old John Howard is an experienced engineer who runs energy management programs at Wright State University.
To his grandsons John, 5, and Ryan, 7, he's Pow-Pow, their version of a soccer mom.
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"Ryan plays basketball and John takes swimming lessons," Howard said. "We go to church, spend time at the park; we ride bicycles.
"For the most part, it's been a positive experience for me."
Howard represents a segment of society that seems to grow every year. He's a custodial grandparent caring for the children his son couldn't raise.
"A lot of these people don't even want to acknowledge that they have become parents again," said K.B. VonDerau of the Greene County Council on Aging. "They see the children suffering because their parents can't take care of them, and they think maybe they can step in for a while and give the parents a break until they get their act together.
"They think of it as baby-sitting, but they turn around and they've had the children for years."
VonDerau said parents burden grandparents and other relatives with raising their children for a multitude of reasons, "but about 80 percent of the time it's about drug abuse."
Drugs were an issue in the boys' first home. "The boys were being exposed to quite a bit of stuff they had no business seeing," Howard said. "I've had them with me off and on all their lives, and they've been with me permanently about a year."
VonDerau said when most people think of grandparents caring for their grandchildren, they think of grandmothers. But she said there are numerous grandfathers with custody in the area.
"With these children who have been through so much, it's tremendously important to have a strong male presence in the household. Men tend to bring a sense of authority and security into a home," VonDerau said.
"And it's not just boys; girls need to develop positive relationships with men, too. That's why so many grandmothers raising children alone go out of their way to bring in Big Brothers (volunteers) or make sure uncles get involved."
Emily Butts, 5, is flourishing with her 63-year-old grandfather, Tom Butts, in Jamestown. Butts said his daughter left Emily with him "for a few days" last January and never returned.
"Emily didn't have a life at all," said Butts, a retired truck driver. "Now she's a cheerleader mascot, and she gets all A's at school. She's a good kid, but she wouldn't have a chance with her mother."
VonDerau said grandparents and other family members acting as parents has become such an issue that Greene County and many other counties have added full-time professional "kinship navigators" to provide services to that population.
As a kinship navigator, VonDerau steers people caring for young relatives to social services, funding sources and support groups.
The surrogate parents also often need help coping with the legal system to get the authority to register children for school and to make medical decisions on their behalf.
Most communities offer similar services through county and state offices of the Department of Jobs and Family Services, the United Way and children service agencies.
VonDerau said the caregivers can receive some government funds to help support the children, and the kids may be eligible for medical benefits through Medicaid. But she said the government spends only a fraction to support children in the homes of relatives compared to placing them in foster care.
"These are heroes we're talking about," VonDerau said. "They're doing an incredible service to these children and for the community, and they're doing it out of concern, with very little compensation."
While VonDerau admires the grandparents and other relatives who take on children, she said it's a shame the lives of these well-meaning people are so disrupted by the irresponsibility of others.
"They raised their children, they worked all their lives, and they've earned the right to relax and enjoy themselves," she said.
Ralph Black of Fairborn said he's finally come to the end of his rope. The 77-year-old retired Marine and his disabled wife have been raising their great-grandson since he was born
7 years ago.
Black said he's giving up custody of Jordan, the son of his granddaughter, so the boy can be adopted.
"He's been around my wife and me so long he knows just what to say and do to get at us," Black said. "And he knows if he's bad I can't catch him. He'll run around a table and laugh at me. You can't know how much that hurts me.
"I love him, but it's gotten to be too hard," Black said.
Contact this reporter at (937) 225-2395 or jcummings@DaytonDailyNews.com.
