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Chaplain's job taught her the art of living

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Staff Writer Updated 12:48 AM Wednesday, July 1, 2009

For 34 years, families throughout the Miami Valley have leaned on the Rev. Bobbie Predmore in the most difficult moments of their lives — the serious illness or death of a child.

Just before her retirement party Tuesday, June 30, the chaplain/manager of pastoral care reflected on her career at the Children’s Medical Center in Dayton.

Q: What’s been the hardest part of your job?

A: Learning to hear people’s appreciation. When you’re a caregiver, you’re used to helping others. But you can’t tell a parent: “It’s just my job.” They are bringing you a gift and it’s important not to cut them off.

Q: What’s the best thing we can do when we know someone whose child is ill or dying?

A: Shut up! You have to listen, listen with all of your soul. And after a child has died, it’s important to let the parents talk about their son or daughter. One of their greatest fears is that people will forget their child. Don’t avoid bringing up the subject.

Q: How can you believe in God when you see so many tragedies?

A: My view of God is that God is within us and part of us and suffers with us. I don’t think God makes a child die. I have to believe that God is crying as hard or harder than we are.

Q: How do you view death?

A: Death is part of our life cycle and it happens to all of us – children and adults. There are some things worse than death – even for children. One child told me that if you can’t live and be free and play, it’s OK if God comes and takes you. Parents will tell you they are not afraid to die once they have seen their son or daughter die.

Q: What has made you proudest in your career?

A: There wasn’t a chaplain at this hospital when I started here; I’m proud of the program, of the support groups for bereaved parents. I’m proud of the annual holiday memorial service that gives parents a chance to celebrate the life of their child — to light a candle in memory of a son or daughter.

Q: You’re known for your humor, but you are dealing with such sadness and tragedy?

A: Laughter for some people releases emotions and feelings. We even laugh at the time of death. We had a college-age patient, Marty, who was in bed dying. He asked his mom to get his wallet out of the drawer and said he wanted her to use all of the money inside to take a trip. When she opened it, there was a $1 bill inside. We were all laughing. If you treat people like sickies, they’ll behave like sickies.

Q: What lesson have you learned from dying children?

A: The art of living. You’ve got to live each day. You can’t protect yourself against death, we don’t control our own lives. The only thing we can control is our attitude.

Contact this reporter at (937)

225-2440 or MMoss@DaytonDailyNews.com.

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