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Forgiveness is first step for Tehan

Xenia mother would face challenges if she chooses to return.

David Tehan said he has forgiven his wife, Tiffany, for her decision to run away with Tre Hutcherson to Miami, Fla., at a press conference Thursday, April 22, at Patterson Park Church in Beavercreek.

Staff photo by Jim Noelker David Tehan said he has forgiven his wife, Tiffany, for her decision to run away with Tre Hutcherson to Miami, Fla., at a press conference Thursday, April 22, at Patterson Park Church in Beavercreek.

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Chuck Tabor, father of missing Xenia woman, Tiffany Tehan, leaves a press conference Thursday, April 22, after thanking volunteers, police and the media for helping finding his daughter. Tehan ran away to Miami with Tre Hutcherson.

JIM NOELKER/Search for Tiffany Tehan Chuck Tabor, father of missing Xenia woman, Tiffany Tehan, leaves a press conference Thursday, April 22, after thanking volunteers, police and the media for helping finding his daughter. Tehan ran away to Miami with Tre Hutcherson.

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By Steve Bennish, Staff Writer Updated 10:36 AM Friday, April 23, 2010

Tiffany Tehan faces many hurdles should she decide to return home to Ohio and to her former life, family counseling experts say. Issues of forgiveness, personal relations and coping with life are at the forefront, they said.

James Dobbins, a family psychologist and professor in the School of Professional Psychology at Wright State University, said, “The first thing she faces, or attempts to face, is herself. A part of herself, she was willing to walk away from. And that was the part that had a public face. Another part of herself is not public, and has been trying to find expression and seemingly could not be reconciled with the other parts of her life.”

Support from family, friends and her faith community are key to her return.

“It is likely she may return to her faith community to help her do that. It would be helpful if she could find a place she could explore herself that is neutral and unbiased.”

The fact that Tiffany Tehan’s husband, David, has already expressed forgiveness, helps.

“If she does choose to come back here, it’s wonderful her husband said he wants to reconcile the marriage. Hopefully, he’s thinking of the future of their child and her welfare,” Dobbins said.

In an interview Thursday, April 22, David Tehan said his wife spoke by telephone with him about missing their 1-year-old daughter, Alexis. He also said he didn’t know how his marriage would be affected.

“Moving forward, there’s a lot of unknowns,” he said. “It’s just something still unresolved. It’s hard to imagine the future right now.”

Stephen Gavazzi, a professor in the Department of Human Development and Family at Ohio State University, said it’s encouraging that David Tehan wants to work things out, but he adds, “the old saying is, it takes two to make a relationship, but one to break it up.”

Overcoming community condemnation would be a tougher issue, he said. “There has been a negative reaction. She made a willful choice in going with this man who is not her husband. There are community standards, but if we take Judeo-Christian values to heart, there is a huge element of forgiveness. There is a lot of room for forgiveness.”

What would prompt a person to leave town and not tell? It could be a simple declaration of, “I’ve had it, and I’m leaving,” Gavazzi said.

“People carrying on extramarital affairs is a fairly common occurrence. Running away with someone is far less common, but not unheard of. People leave more often than we know about.”

He added: “Oftentimes, people are under enormous pressure — internal to themselves, something in marriage and family, and they feel they can’t deal with the situation on the ground. Instead of dealing with it, they flee. There could be other stresses going on in this person’s life we have not heard about.”

Dobbins concluded: “If that marriage can be reconciled, the church, the job, the community, can be negotiated much more easily.”