SCARLETT JOHANSSON TO PLAY BROADWAY IN “CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF”: Roof just got much hotter.

FIONA APPLE ARRESTED IN TEXAS FOR HASHISH FOUND ON TOUR BUS: That’s the last time she gives Willie Nelson a ride.

ARNOLD SAYS MARIA “BLINDSIDED” HIM WITH FACT SHE KNEW ABOUT HIS LOVE CHILD: And he used all his acting skills to hide it from her.

BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG TO APPEAR AS MENTOR ON “THE VOICE” WHILE IN REHAB: He’ll teach contestants how to have a drug-fueled public meltdown.

KANYE WEST FIGHTS SEX TAPE DISTRIBUTION: He’s pushing for a Blu-ray release.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE TAKES HIS BACHELOR PARTY TO MEXICO: He’s bringing something back, and it ain’t sexy.

REO SPEEDWAGON, BOZ SCAGGS SUE SONY MUSIC: They blame them for letting the ’70s end.

FIGHT SHUTS DOWN APPLE IPHONE FACTORY IN CHINA: The hot new app is “Angry Workers.”

BILL BELICHICK SAYS HE MEANT NO DISRESPECT WHEN HE GRABBED REFEREE: He meant to rip his arm off and feed it to Rob Gronkowski.

CURIOSITY ROVER TOUCHES FIRST MARTIAN ROCK: Now hopes to get to second base.

BILLBOARD NAMES KATY PERRY ITS WOMAN OF THE YEAR: Playboy wishes it had called “dibs” first.

CARRIE UNDERWOOD BRINGS YOUNG FAN ON STAGE FOR FIRST KISS: Now hopes to get to second base.

“WALKING DEAD” LAUNCHES BLOOD DRIVE: Karo Syrup is just so expensive.

NBC RENEWS “THE VOICE” FOR 2 MORE ROUNDS: They already paid a year’s rent on the chairs.

“JERSEY SHORE” STAR JWOWW GETS ENGAGED: Fortunately, there were cameras because she didn’t remember it in the morning.

LEGENDARY CROONER ANDY WILLIAMS DIES AT 84: Claudine Longet says she has an alibi.

— DAVE LARSEN, RANDY PALMER, TERRY MORRIS