LADY GAGA VOMITS DURING PERFORMANCE IN SPAIN: Puker Face.

EBAY SETS $3 MILLION OPENING BID FOR SALE OF EINSTEIN’S “GOD LETTER”: Imagine what the reply would fetch.

JIM LEHRER HAS “NO REGRETS” ABOUT HIS WORK AS DEBATE MODERATOR: He’s just happy he didn’t vomit.

JOHN CUSACK APPEARS ON STAGE WITH BOOMBOX AT PETER GABRIEL CONCERT: Gabriel’s roadies beat the snot out of him.

BEAR GRYLLS GETS NBC SURVIVAL COMPETITION SERIES: Network execs disappointed to learn he’s not a real bear.

ROSIE O’DONNELL WANTS TO BUY “HONEY BOO BOO’S” FAMILY A HOUSE: Or at least a double wide.

KIM KARDASHIAN SAYS HER NEXT WEDDING WILL BE SMALL: She only plans to gross $3.5 million.

HULK HOGAN SAYS LIFE “UPSIDE DOWN” AFTER SEX TAPE: We’re guessing it was the trapeze.

BEN AFFLECK SIDESWIPES CAR, LEAVES NOTE: The note had Lindsay Lohan’s name and number.

DANNY DEVITO, RHEA PERLMAN SPLIT AFTER 30 YEARS: He caught her with an Oompa-Loompa.

JACK OSBOURNE MARRIES LISA STELLY IN HAWAII: Ozzy gives them a “lucky” tiki necklace he found.

WILL, KATE IN FIRST PUBLIC EVENTS SINCE TOPLESS PICS: “Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. Say no more.”

JENNIFER ANISTON SHOWS OFF MASSIVE ENGAGEMENT RING: She needs two personal assistants just to raise her hand.

HENRY THOMAS MAKES PEACE WITH “E.T.” AFTER 30 YEARS: E.T. still owes him for all those long-distance phone calls.

NICOLE KIDMAN ADMITS TO FEELING “AWKWARD” ON RED CARPET: She’s tired of people asking if Keith Urban is her son.

“ANGRY BIRDS STAR WARS” RELEASE ANNOUNCED: These are not the pigs you’re looking for.

— DAVE LARSEN, RANDY PALMER, TERRY MORRIS