This may not an easy column for me to write. Because when it comes to negativity, I’m one of those nattering nabobs that Spiro Agnew talked about. Every decade or so I’ll write a few positive paragraphs about something, but I try not to make a habit of it.

Griping, complaining and whining is what I do. It is, in fact, what a majority of columnists do. If we ever reach a time in this country when the economy is booming, there are no wars and our politicians turn into statesmen, a lot of us are going to have to find honest work.

So when the sound conks out on my cable television the other day, I figure it’s worth at least 500 grumpy words.

You can’t go wrong writing snide things about cable companies. Cable companies are among America’s favorite whipping boys, although they’ve fallen a bit down the list recently, due to stiff competition from banks, insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies.

Still, a screed about how crummy my cable service is and how tempted I am to switch to some other type of provider certainly would strike a chord with plenty of readers.

Any cable company customer who ever saw their picture disappear in the middle of a program would identify with it. Anyone who has spent an afternoon on hold waiting for “our next available representative” to assist them would know what I’m talking about. It’s a high, soft lob just begging to be hit out of the park.

But then my cable company throws me a curve.

When I dial its 800 number, I figure I’ll be on hold long enough for me to make a sandwich, including baking the bread. Before I can even turn on the oven, though, a woman who identifies herself as Joyce comes on the line and asks how she might help me.

I tell her what the problem is, which I’m assuming will result in me being transferred to a technical support person who lives in a country where English is neither spoken nor legal. After which I will be informed that no one is quite sure what the problem is, so a repairperson will have to come to our house at whatever time is most inconvenient for us.

Instead, Joyce asks a few questions, tells me to push a button on the cable box, then says to wait on hold while she makes some adjustments. Which I’m estimating will take until dinner time. Next Thursday.

But less than five minutes later she’s back on the line.

“The problem should be solved,” she says. “Try pressing the button on the box again and see if it’s working.”

I press the button. It’s working. The whole process has taken approximately 15 minutes. My cable company has done a good job, forcing me to write a positive column. Which is not nearly as painful as I thought it would be, so maybe I’ll do it again some day.

In 2019.

Contact D.L Stewart at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com.