With just over two weeks to go, we still haven’t received our invitation to the wedding of William and Kate. Which I don’t understand because I am a close personal friend of the groom’s father.

We met back in the ‘70s when he visited Cleveland on a tour of America. When we were introduced, as I remember it, our conversation was something along the lines of, “Hey, Chuck, how’s it goin’?” and, “Yo, D.L., love your column.” Although those may not be exact quotes.

Through the years, we’ve kept up our warm relationship. When he married Diana, for example, I sent them a copy of a book I had written, which I was nice enough to personally autograph. He responded by sending a very nice thank you note personally autographed by someone I’m pretty sure was a part-time chambermaid.

What’s more, my wife and I already have shown our support of the soon-to-be newlyweds by purchasing an official William and Kate Commemorative item.

Deciding exactly which item to buy was a royal pain. There was everything from a teddy bear with a tiara ($389) to a Royal Wedding Donut ($.89) available at Dunkin Donuts from April 24-29.

Other possibilities included William and Kate beer, William and Kate toilet paper and William and Kate condoms.

My first choice was a commemorative airsickness bag bearing images of the happy couple and the message, “Keep this handy on April 29,” but my wife decided that a royal barf bag was not quite in keeping with the spirit of the occasion, so we bought a commemorative plate ($48). I’m not sure how we’re going to use it, but maybe we can serve a Royal Wedding Donut on it.

I understand, of course, that not everyone can be invited to this wedding. When you only have 1,900 invitations to give out, you can’t be sending them to every Tom, Dick and D.L. It’s even possible, I suppose, that Prince Charles has nothing to say about the guest list.

Just because he’s in line to become the next king of England doesn’t mean he has a vote on stuff like that. Like every other father of the groom, his role in this thing probably is minimal, at best, ranking behind the caterer, the florist, the photographer and every female on either side of the aisle. The task of ruling a kingdom pales in comparison to the importance of deciding what color the bridesmaids’ shoes should be.

But, when he reads this column, I know he’ll do everything in his limited power to get our invitation in the mail.

And in case you’ve forgotten, Chuck, the ZIP code is 45429.

Contact D.L. Stewart at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com