Cosmo, here, taking over my human’s column just for this week.

I’m the Short family’s beagle, in case Sharon hasn’t mentioned that enough ... which I’m guessing she hasn’t. If Snoopy can show up most days on the comics page, why can’t I show up most weeks in Sharon’s column?

Anyway, what would inspire a normally mild-mannered beagle to take over a column?

Well, I heard the humans talking the other night. They think I just hear “blah, blah, blah, dinner!” or “blah, blah, blah, stay!” but I’m paying more attention than they think. After all, I do have these fabulously huge ears.

And what I heard was quite disturbing. Seems there was an Associated Press news report that’s since been making the rounds on the human version of the barking chain (the Internet) about feral beagles running wild in Long Island, N.Y.

It seems that these beagles were abandoned by their owners — hunters — when they didn’t do a good enough job of catching rabbits. “That dog don’t hunt” is apparently a good enough excuse for some humans to abandon their beagles.

One resident, named Dot, has been quoted as saying that she was scared and barely made it into her house with her own dog (nonbeagle, if you can imagine), when three wild beagles started barking ferociously and lunged at her back door.

Now, I’ll admit we beagles can sound pretty ferocious. I’ve been known to howl and bark wildly, just to let my humans know someone is approaching our den. (Although all it takes is a tickle under my chin to calm me down.)

So, I’m sorry Dot was scared by my fellow beagles.

But what would turn my normally gentle, lovable and goofy fellow beagles so vicious?

Well, being cold, hungry and injured comes to mind. So does no longer trusting humans, after the ones we adored and worshipped and obeyed — at least, as best we could — abandoned us.

I know, because I was a beagle in that situation myself once.

I wasn’t very good at hunting rabbits — for one thing, the sound of shotguns scared me. I’m still unnerved by fireworks!

So, my original owner left me in the woods. Somehow — my memory is a blur on the details — I ended up at Beagles RRRRRR Us, a beagle rescue in London, Ohio (www.beaglesrus.org).

Now, from what I’ve heard, the Shorts ended up at Beagles RRRRRR Us because the Short puppies, er, children, made a pet dog out of a milk carton and kept “walking” milk-carton-dog on a yarn “leash” through the kitchen until Mama Short broke down, and took everyone up to Beagles RRRRRR Us, just for a visit.

Even though my fur was still brittle, because the nice lady at Beagles RRRRRR Us only had me on a healthy diet for a little while, and I was still a bit skittish from all my experiences, I thought the Short pack looked pretty nice. So I jumped into Papa Short’s lap, and somehow, that was all it took. The Short pack took me to my new forever home.

And — although I could do with fewer baths and more treats — I like it there, and I know I’m one lucky pup.

But it makes me sad that there are so many members of my fellow breed — well, any dog, really — that are being abandoned and left to starve, or turn wild, as a reaction.

As the humans like to say — that dog don’t hunt.

Sharon Short’s column runs Monday in Life. Send e-mail to sharonshort@ sharonshort.com.