I didn’t think I’d have a column in today’s newspaper. I was sure I’d win the Powerball, fly to San Diego and watch the Bengals stomp the Chargers (from a luxury suite, of course). Alas, my lottery numbers proved to be as bad as an investment with Bernie Madoff. Therefore, you are stuck with me, just like the Big Ten is stuck with Rutgers and Maryland.

If I had a Heisman Trophy ballot, I’d vote for Notre Dame linebacker Man’tei Teo. The rise of the Irish is the top story in college football this season, and the heart and soul of that team is Teo. As a bonus, he could stop a grizzly bear on 4th-and-goal.

That said, I won’t object if Johnny Manziel becomes the first freshman to win the award. Honoring the Texas A&M quarterback would go a long way in muting the “well, our team is too young” talk from excuse-making coaches.

Braxton Miller’s turn hoisting the Heisman will be next year, or 2014. Ohio State and the Big Ten need to help, though. The Buckeyes must play a legitimate nonconference schedule (next year’s looks terrible) and the league can’t be the butt of every football analyst’s joke.

The “experts” need to lay off Northern Illinois. If the Mid-American Conference champions end up in the Orange Bowl, blame the Big East, which won’t have a team ranked higher than NIU. No, the Huskies are not vintage Boise State, but they’re playing by the rules and the MAC was a quality league this year.

The Reds are catching heat over their decision to take Aroldis Chapman out of the bullpen and make him part of what could be the best starting staff in baseball. I think it’s great. Chapman will get his rest and he’ll surely throw fewer than 200 innings.

Did you know that the trio atop the all-time list for strikeouts — Nolan Ryan, Randy Johnson and Roger Clemens — all had multiple seasons in which they worked more than 250 innings? Ryan had six and topped out at 332 2/3 innings in 1974.

We made a quick trip to South Dakota for Thanksgiving. Drove more than 1,800 miles and the worst stretch of highway I saw was the unruly patch of Interstate 75 in downtown Dayton. There were confused drivers zipping in and out of lanes like pinballs. If Jeff Gordon would’ve been there he would’ve triggered The Big One.

I understand that the NBA can’t have its stars sitting out 20 games a season, but the fine David Stern levied on the Spurs is ridiculous. San Antonio was playing its sixth road game in nine days. … The USGA won’t allow serious golfers to anchor long putters against their bodies … in 2016. The USGA should to be penalized for slow play. … Somebody get Aaron Rodgers a razor. He’s gotta lose that horrible mustache.