News Summary

»Let the Battle of the Boy Bands begin and pick your favorites

I don't know much, but I know the Jonas Brothers had better duck if they see those dirty blond Hansons coming.

Not breaking news here. As far as I know, the brothers Hanson don't have a grudge against the brunette siblings prone to bounce around stage in vests, T-shirts and super skinny jeans.

But in the spirit of the Olympic Games, wouldn't it be fun if they did? Why make boy band love, when you can make boy band war?

Image a fired-up 1990s Zachary Hanson smacking the curl out of Nick Jonas' hair to defend your honor.

Oh how the MMM would be bopped.

Wouldn't it just be darling to see Boyz II Men — in their prime, of course — show Pretty Rick the end of the road.

But the New Edition would have to renew Boyz II Men's subscription if ever angered by the smiling one-name Wayna. Bobby, Ronnie, Ricky, Mike and Ralph and when Bobby went solo Johnny.

The Monkees would surely throttle the Lachey brothers and their 98 Degrees brethren.

Take That would take a smack down from B2K. Robbie Williams would lose his skin.

And in the strictly international category, Menudo with its 3,000 members, would teach Westlife Espanol.

Oh, in a classic match up, for your honor, of course, the Jacksons and the Osmonds would square off brothers against brothers.

It would be as explosive as when K-Ci and Jo-Jo met Dalvin and DeVante and bore Jodeci without all the gyrating and harmony.

Wayne Osmond would make short work of Tito. But in a surprise move, another set of brothers would emerge enraged. Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees would teach both Wayne and Tito how to stay alive in a steel cage.

As a result, little Donny would be sacrificed to the clown god.

Just think about the hair-related battles that could erupt for your honor.

What if the Backstreet Boys stole hair products from Justin, JC, Lance, Joey and Chris? 'N Sync would definitely be synchronized when they confronted Nick, Howie, A.J., Brian and Kevin.

But the Backstreet Boys would show 'N Sync the meaning of being lonely and advance to the finals.

In the end, they'd be crushed by New Kids on the Block. Everyone knows the New Kids are tougher than the Backstreet Boys when it comes to sheer boy bandness.

Want proof: Just listen to "Hangin' Tough" backwards.

Are you tough enough? Are you rough?

Contact this columnist at (937) 225-2384 or arobinson@DaytonDailyNews.com.

»Let the Battle of the Boy Bands begin and pick your favorites