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COMMENTARY
'Godwinks' keep us in touch with the departed
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Have you ever felt as if you were getting a subtle message from someone you have lost?
I'm not talking about anything paranormal. No ghost sightings, no seances — more like a wink and a gentle reminder that "I'm here, I'm still with you."
I'm not generally a superstitious person but sometimes I can't escape that feeling. During a trip to London three years ago, my sister Anne and I often thought about how fun it would have been if Mom could have been there with us. While playing Scrabble at the pub one night, I picked out four tiles with the letters V-E-R-A in the exact order of Mom's name.
A coincidence, no doubt.
Just like the time — a week nearly to the minute after Mom died — Anne noticed the car in front of her with the license plate "at rest."
Or the time a couple of weeks ago when I was conducting research at the Special Collections and Archives at Wright State University. My subject was the late silent-screen star Dorothy Kepler White, a Dayton native. I opened the fat file of newspaper clippings and stared in disbelief at the byline on the first story: Vera Seiler. That was my mother's maiden name and her byline when she wrote for the Dayton Daily News in the early '50s.
There was no reason for her story to be at the top of the stack in a collection going back to the early 1900s, but there it was. Another coincidence, no doubt.
Except, maybe not. Mom always was my best source, and her story provided the best quotes and the most comprehensive background about White's life in Hollywood. It gave me a kick to think of us working together on a story, and to imagine the meeting between my mother and the long-dead actress whose life I was attempting to recreate.
I remember hearing an interview with Sean Lennon once, about a time when he felt especially blue and turned on the radio to hear "Beautiful Boy," the song his father wrote for him.
The phenomenon is so commonplace that Squire Rushnell wrote a popular book, "When God Winks at You," about those seemingly innocent coincidences that must be God reassuring us.
Susan Ferguson, director of UD's Center for Catholic Education, had her own "Godwinks" moment recently when she won the Lackner Award, which recognizes individuals who exemplify the Marianist spirit. Her mentor, Sister Angela Ann Zukowski, sent a hydrangea plant to congratulate her. "I realized that hydrangeas always reminded me of my maternal Polish grandma, and I assumed God winked at me to let me know that my beloved grandma was celebrating with me too," Ferguson recalled.
Maybe such events are random, but they sure don't feel that way.
I like to think of it as an affirmation of our faith, the tangible world's way of saying, "Your loved one is still with you."
And if it's all pure coincidence, as logic would tell us?
I'll take it, as long as it gives me a chance to collaborate with my best source.
Comments
By Barbara
March 20, 2009 2:18 PM | Link to this
I had decided to schedule a session with a medium in an effort to say things to a loved one that had been left unsaid until it was too late. I talk to his spirit everyday & kidded him about saving me the money by sending me a sign instead. A few days later I turned onto Wyoming St. & fell into line behind a car with the license plate “FIXXUM”. His last name is Fix, and I followed the car down Wyoming St. right past the home he lived in for several years. Clearly he hears me.
By Jo Ann Davis
March 19, 2009 9:27 AM | Link to this
When making arrangements for my husband’s funeral the director asked me what Jim’s favorite song was. Could not think of it. After leaving the funeral home went to Mimi’s to eat and they were playing “It Had To Be You” our song. Later at Von Maur the woman playing piano was playing our song. I knew in my heart that Jim was not going to let me forget our song even though he had Alzheimer’s and could not communicat for several years.
By Peggy H
March 16, 2009 11:52 AM | Link to this
My brother Tom died in 2001. We grew up in Centerville back in the 70’s. On Valentine’s Day the following year he was on my mind even more than usual. On impulse I stopped at the BP in Centerville where he had his first job pumping gas. As I was thinking of him I looked up and a man was coming toward me with a Carnation, for Valentine’s Day, I thought. How sweet. But instead of red or even pink, it was white and I just knew it was from Tom in heaven saying “it’s ok, don’t be sad.”
By Anita Wagner
March 12, 2009 2:55 PM | Link to this
My daughter Jennifer joined the United States Air Force in 2002. My husband and I went to her graduation in San Antonio that September. I remember thinking how proud my dad would have been of her. He was in the Navy in WWII and Korea and died in 1998. When Jennifer and I attended Mass on base that weekend, the hymn played at Communion was Amazing Grace, my Dad’s favorite hymn. I just knew that this was my Dad’s way of telling both of us he was watching over her and he was very proud.
By Anita Wagner
March 12, 2009 2:50 PM | Link to this
My daughter Jennifer joined the United States Air Force in 2002 and graduated from Basic Training that September. My husband and I went to her graduation in San Antonio and attended all the events with the new airmen. I remember thinking how proud my dad would have been of Jennifer. He was in the Navy in WWII and Korea and died in 1998. When Jennifer and I attended Mass on base that weekend, the hymn played at Communion was Amazing Grace, my Dad’s favorite hymn. When I mentioned this to her
By John F
March 12, 2009 2:25 PM | Link to this
I would kill to have a moment like that. I would trade everything I own for one more day with my mom.
By Debbie
March 12, 2009 2:16 PM | Link to this
I can definitely relate to hearing songs on the radio!!! I was driving down the road thinking about an old friend and something told me to drive by and see if his home had sold. Both times his son was there and I was able to talk to him to try and make since of some of the things that happened in the past. I can’t tell how happy I was because it was like looking at him in the mirror. It is remarkable how it helps you cope because I know how close he was to his son. “forever in our hearts”
By Kim Renee
March 12, 2009 1:42 PM | Link to this
The most definite “Godwink” for me was from my 28 yr old deceased brother.Two wks before he died, he asked to borrow $2.I growled at him & said no.It tore me up thru the yrs.I was going thru a bad time this winter,crying and asking him to show me some kind of sign with the #2 if he is around.I turned the TV on.The movie “Better Off Dead” was right at the scene with the paper boy screaming he “wants his $2!!”. Then my phone rang.It was my friend whose birthday is March 2nd.The day of his death.
By Julie
March 12, 2009 11:54 AM | Link to this
I came across an Indian head nickel in my wallet, dated 1936, a couple of days before my granddaughter’s 4th birthday in September. My Dad had died in June that same year and was of Native American ancestry and himself turned 4 years old in 1936. I think it was his way of remembering her birthday. I’m saving the nickel for her for when she gets older.
By Anne
March 12, 2009 11:41 AM | Link to this
Mary McCarty - no doubt this is the best article I have seen. Ever. It is great to have a story that can give people hope and a sense of positivity. Thanks! Oh, well - I guess I should say the article on confession awhile back ranks right up there too! LOL No doubt our loved ones are around. My dad was sure to leave us clues after he passed that he was still with us. I would think that if I had passed and was trying to send a message to someone - I would want them to pay attention!
By friend
March 12, 2009 11:36 AM | Link to this
My best friend passed away several years ago. she had moved about 2 hrs from me. There was this old song that always reminded me of her. I use to tease her and say I was going to play it at her furneral. On the drive to her grave side services, i was listening to the radio. just as I saw the sign of the city she lived in, that song came on the radio. the sun broke thru the clouds. I said well looks like I got your song I wanted. I smiled and cried the rest of the way there.
By Judy
March 12, 2009 11:30 AM | Link to this
I think it’s wonderful to remember our loved ones who are gone and to be comforted and affirmed by the things around us that remind us of them!
By Judy
March 12, 2009 11:29 AM | Link to this
I think it’s wonderful to remember our loved ones who are gone and to be comforted and affirmed by the things around us that remind us of them!
By Judy
March 12, 2009 11:28 AM | Link to this
I think it’s wonderful to remember our loved ones who are gone and to be comforted and affirmed by the things around us that remind us of them!
By Jane Doe
March 12, 2009 11:27 AM | Link to this
I think it’s wonderfully pleasant to remember our loved ones who are gone and to be comforted and affirmed by things around us that remind us of their lives and love!
By Vivian Koob
March 12, 2009 9:01 AM | Link to this
My mother has been gone 12 years but I still miss her. Recently, I was on my way to Columbus to attend a meeting. I had the car on cruise and was thinking about work and not paying much attention to where I was.Suddenly,the thought of my mother rushed over me with such force that I was taken aback. I laughed out loud and said “Hi Mom” when I noticed I was right over the field from where my mother is buried outside Springfield. She was telling me to pay attention to my driving. Love ya Mom
By Dan Edwards (Not the Ch 2 News guy)
March 12, 2009 7:54 AM | Link to this
I am currently reunited and living with my childhood “1st love”, Karen. One day I was at a park with my dog and decided to “talk” to Karen’s dad whom I never met because he had passed away. I asked his blessing on our relationship. As soon as I got done speaking, I heard a train horn off in the distance. Karen’s dad had been an engineer for CSX Rail!!!
By Jennifer S.
March 12, 2009 7:48 AM | Link to this
I lost my aunt recently; she was only three years older than me and was my “big sister” she lost her battle with breast cancer this past October. The Christmas of 2007 she had ordered me luxury bubble baths and the shipments were seasonal, three to a box all different scents and I thought I’d received all the installment.Shortly after her death I was having a bad day, missing her, when my door bell rang and there was my last installment of her Christmas gift,like a hug from heaven.
By Mary T
March 12, 2009 7:22 AM | Link to this
I was car shopping at an auction one day, eyeing the same make/model as my father’s car. He had been gone 3 years. Opening my wallet to buy coffee, I pulled out a dollar bill that had the writing, “For Mary, Love Dad”. I don’t know where that dollar came from -I had worked as a waitress and probably made that money the night before. When I saw that dollar bill, I felt a huge rush of my father’s presence. I also bought the car like my dad’s, for $100 less than I had planned. Thanks Dad!