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It's time to repeal "don't ask, don't tell," an immoral policy that prohibits patriotic and qualified gay, lesbian and bisexual citizens from serving openly in the military. The repeal is long overdue, but recent news items highlight the hypocrisy of it.

The Department of Defense recently confirmed a significant increase in the number of "moral waivers" granted to allow individuals with criminal convictions to serve in the military. The waivers, given by the Army and the Marine Corps, are for crimes that range from drug offenses and theft to sex crimes and manslaughter or vehicular homicide, some involving weapons.

The number of waivers issued by the Army increased from 249 in fiscal 2006 to 511 in fiscal 2007, and the increase for the Marine Corps for the same period was from 208 to 350.

I assume these waivers were considered on a case-by-case basis, and I fervently believe in second chances for those who deserve them. I also believe the discipline and morale of a military career can transform lives — and not just for those with flawed pasts.

But in addition to offering second chances for some individuals with criminal records, we should welcome into the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine Corps all qualified men and women who desire to serve.

I am retired from the Air Force, but I also am a husband, father and a member of both the local and national boards of directors of PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). One of my children is gay.

My 23 years of active-duty service were before "don't ask, don't tell" and before I knew I had a gay child. I confess I gave little thought to whether gay people were serving in the military with me or whether they should be allowed to serve.

Having a gay child opened my mind and heart to issues I hadn't considered, and military service was one.

Since the policy was enacted in 1993, more than 12,000 service members have been dismissed for being gay. We can't know how many gay men and women served in secret or how many desired to volunteer but didn't because of the military's rule. A 2005 report prepared by the Government Accountability Office indicated that nearly 800 people with skills deemed "mission-critical" by the Pentagon had been dismissed under "don't ask, don't tell," including more than 322 language experts, some of whom were Arabic specialists.

A blue-ribbon commission sponsored by the University of California reported that "don't ask, don't tell" has cost taxpayers more than $364 million since its implementation.

But statistics tell only part of the story. Imagine the following scenarios.

• An Army brigade is preparing to leave for Iraq, and the soldiers and their families gather near the flight line. Wives and husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends, kiss goodbye; parents and children embrace.

The gay soldier's partner isn't there. While their separation will be as painful and the fear of serious injury or death as acute, their farewell must take place in private.

• Before work, a military mom takes her pre-schooler to the base child-care facility. Before they hug goodbye, she reminds her child, as she does every day, "Don't tell anyone, not even the other kids, about your other mommy." She knows an overheard comment could jeopardize her career.

• Two uniformed officers walk up the sidewalk and ring the doorbell. They bring the devastating news that one of the two men who live together in that home has been killed in Afghanistan. But wait.

You can't imagine that scenario because it wouldn't happen. Because of "don't ask, don't tell," no representative from the military would arrive to inform and comfort the partner who had shared a deceased Marine's life.

How can the U.S. armed services justify making exceptions to enlist individuals with criminal records but continue to deny military careers to honest, qualified gay men and women?

They can't. It is time to repeal "don't ask, don't tell."

Col. Daniel Tepfer of Beavercreek is retired from the U.S. Air Force. E-mail him at dtepfer@bigfoot.com.

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