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Home > Blogs > Celebrity Worship > Archives > 2008 > August > 13 > Entry
Dane Cook hates his face
Dane Cook is displeased. The new poster for his upcoming film My Best Friend’s Girl, sent him screaming to MySpace, where he went seriously off on, well, his face. The film is out in September.
Here goes, courtesy of Dane:
Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, “My Best Friends Girl,” is the best / funniest film I’ve done yet. It’s got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It’s a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.
That being said, let me address the fact that although I’m not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self promoting. I’d like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in.
That being said, let me address the fact that although I’m not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self promoting. I’d like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in.
Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:
Graphics: Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers’ deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using “You Suck at Photoshop” templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.
My head: The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears’ vagina.
The Stare. My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate’s mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.
Lips: It looks like I’m wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I’m a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!
Fashion: My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It’s going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I’m also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.
If you’ve seen the movie trailer (below), you know that this flick needs all the help it can get. The spoiled brat’s tirade is the funniest thing about it — I think I noticed one joke in there that’s not been done a dozen times before. And better.
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Comments
By GreatDane
August 13, 2008 8:19 AM | Link to this
Stop picking on Dane Cook. He’s funny and handsome and a good actor and HONEST! Get a life, or go listen to some Jonas Brothers.By admobius
August 13, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this
I hate your face too Dane! And you aren’t funny either!By admobius
August 13, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this
I hate your face too Dane! And you aren’t funny either!By Anne
August 13, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this
GreatDane: pay attention. Those are Dane Cook’s own words directly from his MySpace page! LOL!By amber
August 13, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this
Dane’s right. I think anyone could have made a better poster. GreatDane, did you read the entire article?By 3monkies
August 14, 2008 7:36 AM | Link to this
Really, he’s going to criticize an under paid graphic artist because he is an unappealing douch-bag. Grow up dane…and stop stealing other people’s material!!!