DaytonDailyNews.com

Remember the LPGA Tour? Sometimes I do, too.

The NHL has lost its grip on all-time doofus decisions (season-ending lockout and holding ESPN for ransom, which was denied.) Unfortunately, we have a new No. 1.

If the LPGA enforces its way, every card-carrying member will have to speak English "effectively" at its most high-profile events: pro-ams, trophy presentations and (gulp) media interviews.

The tour that can't seem to shoot straight anymore launched this bomb this week, effective next year. The unabated fallout was immediate, none favorable.

The possible punishment for not speaking English "effectively"? Suspension or banning.

If ever there were good reason to invest in an alternative women's golf tour, now is the time.

The tour that has all but faded from network, cable and satellite TV includes a staggering 121 international players from 26 countries.

It's probably not by coincidence those players have won 19 of 24 events this season.

It would be too easy to blame this silliness on South Koreans — all 45 of them on tour — so let's not go there.

And just what the heck is "effectively" anyway? Hi? Bye? Thanks, King? I go long and straight and not too often?

Good luck Googling up "effectively."

And good thing the PGA didn't have something like this in place when Oklahoma's Orville Moody was mangling the English language.

Contact this reporter at (937) 225-2381 or

mpendleton@DaytonDailyNews.com.