INDIANAPOLIS 500 PAYS TRIBUTE TO DAVID LETTERMAN: Indy Cars don’t float.
JOHNNY DEPP COULD FACE UP TO 10 YEARS IN PRISON FOR DOG SMUGGLING: That’s what he gets for transporting copies of “The Lone Ranger.”
B.B. KING’S DAUGHTERS ALLEGE HE WAS POISONED: They confused him with King Joffrey.
QUEEN ELIZABETH PRACTICES WEARING 3-LB. “IMPERIAL” CROWN BEFORE CEREMONY: Also works on pretending to like margarine.
CHARTER TO ACQUIRE TIME WARNER CABLE IN $55.3 BILLION DEAL: Or about the cost of our monthly bill.
LIAM NEESON IS MOST-LIKED CELEBRITY ENDORSER: He has a very particular set of shills.
FORMER “BUFFY” STARS SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR, ALYSON HANNIGAN REUNITE OVER CRAFTS: “Look what I made,” exclaims Nicholas Brendon, holding up a new license plate.
ART GARFUNKLE SAYS PAUL SIMON HAS BECOME A “MONSTER”: He’s living under the bridge over troubled waters.
CHRIS PRATT APOLOGIZES IN ADVANCE FOR FOR MESSING UP “JURASSIC WORLD” PRESS TOUR: For the life of him, he can’t pronounce “Velociraptor.”
STEPHEN KING “IT” ADAPTATION LOSES DIRECTOR: Nobody told him there would be a clown.
“STAR WARS” SAGA TO SCREEN IN CHINA IN ITS ENTIRETY FOR FIRST TIME: Wait until they see the Neimodians.
POPE REVEALS HE HASN’T WATCHED TV SINCE 1990: Regularly asks, “Whatever happened to that Doogie Howser?”
CHINESE TYCOON BUILDS HQ SHAPED LIKE USS ENTERPRISE FROM “STAR TREK”: Wait ‘til he sees “Star Wars.”
COMEDIAN-ACTRESS ANNE MEARA DIES AT 85: She’ll be remembered at the next Festivus.
MARTIN SHEEN FELT “POWERLESS” DURING CHARLIE’S MELTDOWN: He said it was the hardest thing he’s ever had to watch, not counting ”Two and a Half Men.”
THE ROCK SETS A SELFIE WORLD RECORD: Kim Kardashian declares: “There can be only one!”
— DAVE LARSEN, RANDY PALMER, KYLE NAGEL
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