3. Another jab at Sanders: "I actually really like Sarah. I think she's very resourceful, but she burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smoky eye. Maybe she's born with it; maybe it's lies. It's probably lies."
4. On Trump's suggestion to arm some teachers in wake of the deadly school shooting in Parkland, Florida: "He wants to give teachers guns, and I support that because then they can sell them for things they need like supplies."
5. On Vice President Mike Pence: "Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn't gay. Mike Pence is the kind of guy who brushes his teeth and then drinks orange juice and thinks, 'Mmmm.'"
6. On Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway: "Kellyanne Conway has the perfect last name for what she does – Con-way. You guys have to stop putting Kellyanne on your shows. If you don't give her a platform, she has nowhere to lie. If a tree falls in the woods, how do we get Kellyanne under that tree? I'm not suggesting she gets hurt, just stuck – stuck under a tree."
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7. On Trump's net worth: "Mr. President, I don't think you're very rich. Like, you might be rich in Idaho, but in New York, you're doing fine."
8. On Democrats: "Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don't do anything. People think you might flip the House and Senate this November, but you guys always find a way to mess it up. You're somehow going to lose by 12 points to a guy named Jeff Pedophile, Nazi doctor."
9. On Trump's cabinet: "I did have a lot of jokes about cabinet members, but I had to scrap all of those because everyone has been fired. You guys have gone through cabinet members quicker than Starbucks throws out black people."