Which I had, because I had seen a story in the newspaper about it. Something to do with Earth wobbling on its axis, causing people who had Sagittarius tattoos on their shoulders to suddenly become Capricorns.
But I stopped reading after the second paragraph because I tend to dismiss astrologers, readers, tarot card readers, palm readers, crystal ball gazers and infomercials guaranteeing I’ll become filthy rich by the end of the month if I invest in real estate.
I did go to a fortune teller one time, though. After studying her crystal ball, her cards, my palm and the bumps on my head she declared:
“You are going to travel over water.”
I was a tourist on an island at the time.
But there are millions of Americans who care about whose house their planet is in. One survey found that 31 percent of Americans believe in astrology and 39 percent consider it to be scientific. A spokeswoman for the American Federation of Astrologers said she had been swamped with e-mails from concerned clients the day the story broke.
So the next morning I did some research and discovered that I probably was a Virgo, although that could depend upon how much wobbling Earth had done while I was sleeping.
Being a Virgo, according to astrology.com, meant that I was “a most interesting person to be with.” I’m sure my friends would agree with that — if I had any.
According to gotohoroscope.com, I also “have a strongly advanced analytical mind,” which I thought described me to a T. But then it warned that Virgos should never drink alcohol, so I dismissed it as a bunch of hooey.
Not only do I not understand why unrelated persons who happened to be born on the same day would have the same characteristics, the daily horoscopes usually sound like vague generalities to me.
My newspaper’s horoscope that day said, “Your priorities regarding your future and your long-term dreams shift.” But my Google horoscope advised me to ”Shelve your practical commitments and give your imagination a free rein.”
As nearly as I could tell that meant I should stop investing in my 401(k) and imagine myself winning the lottery. Or maybe not.
Whatever it means, I’m not going to spend a lot of time worrying about whether I’m a Virgo or a Libra.
Although I am a little concerned about that earth wobbling on its axis thing.
Contact D.L. Stewart at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com.