‘My greatest success’
James Kidd of Yellow Springs has a full life. For most of the year, he prepares his three children – 5-year-old Liam, 8-year-old Parker and 10-year-old Colin — each morning for school, sends them off, then packs himself up for classes at Wright State University, where he’s pursuing an arts degree with a focus in sculpture.
“I’ve held on to a 3.8 (grade-point average), which is fun when you’re running home and cooking the kids dinner and getting them bathed and ready for the next day,” he said. “But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
Kidd, who spent three years in the military, worked a number of jobs before becoming a stay-at-home father when Liam was born.
“When I was working, I had to watch my oldest being stuck in day care while myself and his mother were at work all the time,” Kidd said. “I prefer to be there for my kids and be a positive influence for them. The joy is getting to be there for them and to watch them grow.”
His role became even more significant when he and his wife of 11 years separated around 2010.
“Their mother comes down to visit once a week, so I’m not parenting entirely solo,” he said. “But I would say I see to 99 percent of their needs.”
Kidd said trustworthy friends who can be supportive and sometimes lend a hand make a huge difference, because being a single parent has its occasional rough sides.
“It’s not easy, that’s for sure,” he said. “The difficulties are finding free time for myself, and feeling like I can’t provide enough for them. And it’s definitely a challenge if the kids get sick.”
On television shows and commercials, he said, “women will be condemning men for not knowing how to change a diaper or do the laundry. I do the laundry, I do the dishes, I do the cooking, and I have no issues.”
On the other hand, he said people walk up to him in the grocery store and say “I wish my kids were that quiet and well-mannered.”
“People always say they don’t know how I do it, staying on top of things while I have three kids,” he said. “Being someone who grew up without a father taught me how not to be. Nothing else matters to me except being there for my children.
“My greatest success would be that they grow into great adults and that they be happy regardless of what they do.”
Cherishing the time
Kevin J. Gray lives in the Patterson Park neighborhood of Dayton with his three children: Gabriel, 9, Elias, 7, and Marin, 3. Gray and his wife separated in early 2012, and from the first, their goal was for their divorce to have a minimal impact on their children.
“We worked very hard to keep things amicable,” he said. That included staying open with each other’s parents and their network of friends, having a regular schedule of 50-50 shared custody but plenty of flexibility, and living just half a mile from each other.
“Getting divorced is a struggle, but working for the best interest of the kids ended up being in our best interest as well,” he said. “If you’re going to be a single parent, this is the way to go.”
Gray said the transition from being a couple to taking care of responsibilities half the time by himself was mostly easy.
“I played a very key role in my kids’ lives, so it wasn’t like I was a dad who’d gone from working eight hours a day to suddenly dealing with fatherhood,” he said. “I had always cooked, so that part, I didn’t have to learn.
“But some things I’m terrible at! I can never fold the laundry, and my kids’ rooms are a mess.”
As a single parent, he said, there are days his patience gets low. “I have three kids under 10, and that’s a handful. There are times I’ll call friends over just to have another adult around.
“But I really cherish my time with the children.”
Becoming a nurturer
For Christian Taylor of Belmont, the past three years of shared parenting with his ex-wife have deeply affected his relationships with their three children.
“Life changed a great deal,” he said. “I really had to take on more responsibility and put my children first.”
Bryce, 8, Lauren, 5, and Eli, 4 spend three days a week with him in Dayton and the rest with their mother in Englewood.
“You become more of a nurturer,” Taylor said. “I need to make sure their homework is done and they’re going to bed on time and all the things I used to take for granted, because my wife would take care of it.”
Taylor said he gets many positive responses to his single parenthood. “I was at McDonald’s one day, and I had a mom come up to me and say ‘I can’t believe you’re here alone with all three children. You don’t see that a lot from dads.’”
But he can’t imagine it any other way.
“I just assumed that if you have kids, you’re a dad,” Taylor said of the decisions during his divorce. “You pay child support and insurance, and you be there for them. A lot of dads are just not involved in their kids’ lives, and that’s just shocking to me.”
It helped, he said, that his company was “more than receptive” to his needs to leave earlier or take time off to care for his children.
“I haven’t missed one of my kids’ soccer games, for all three years they’ve played,” Taylor said.
And he treasures the time with them, coming up with activities and taking them to the park and birthday parties.
“I taught my oldest two how to roller skate, and now I’m working with my youngest,” Taylor said. “Getting time to read a book or draw or play with Play-Doh — it’s more rewarding, because I get more one-on-one time with them.”
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