Admittedly, the results of the survey are not above suspicion, even if they didn’t concern an area in which men have been known to exaggerate their brains out. Because it was commissioned for Schick, a company that is in the business of creating smooth-shaven men.
Still, it provides a whisker of hope for those of us who would need three weeks to grow a five o’clock shadow.
And there is some anecdotal evidence to support the findings. Prior to the unfortunate incident in his driveway, for instance, Tiger Woods’ cheeks were as smooth as an Augusta National fairway.
According to the survey, there are a number of other advantages to taking it all off. Regular shavers, it concluded, are twice as likely to be employed, earn $15,100 more per year and are much less likely to live with their parents.
Those findings, of course, take us right back to that first advantage. I’m no expert on what women are looking for when they’re in the mood to canoodle, but I’m pretty sure it’s not an unemployed guy with whiskers who lives in his parents’ basement.
Women in the survey, in fact, listed “irritated skin” as one of their top three turnoffs, trailing only body odor and dandruff. So if you’re an unemployed guy with whiskers, body odor and dandruff, there’s probably no good reason to ever leave your parents’ basement.
As encouraging as my beardless face and I find the results of the Schick survey, we’re also puzzled by it.
Because, for reasons that have eluded me for the past several years, just about every male movie star, pop singer and fashion model has a face full of stubble. I watched the Country Music Awards last week and the guys for whom the women in the audience were screaming had enough whiskers between them to clog Hoover Dam.
So maybe that survey has less substance than a blob of shaving cream.
But, just in case, I’m going to go shave now.
For the fourth time today.
Contact D.L. Stewart at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com.
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