“Anyone can run into this problem the first year, the fifth year, or even the 20th year. The fastest growing rate of couples divorcing in this country is right around the 20 year mark.”
— Loretta Worley Marriage Educator
So, after 40 years of a picture-perfect marriage, are you immune?
Apparently not, if former Vice President Al Gore and his wife, Tipper, are any indication.
According to the Associated Press, the high profile couple, whose love affair dates back to the senior prom, and whose long kiss during the 2000 Democratic presidential convention circled the globe, is calling it quits.
The Gores — like any pair who has survived a decades-long relationship — have faced a variety of life’s challenges, ranging from a White House run to a child’s serious car accident.
So why separate after all these years? And if it happened to them, can it happen to us?
Absolutely, says Loretta Worley, marriage educator for Marriage Works! Ohio, the Dayton-based organization that promotes marriage education.
“Anyone can run into this problem the first year, the fifth year, or even the 20th year. The fastest growing rate of couples divorcing in this country is right around the 20-year mark.”
The Australian Institute of Family Studies, she says, has found that divorce is more likely to involve long-term marriages than in the past. That study also found that divorce tends to occur after children have moved out of the house.
Worley says that’s because the family — not the couple — has become the focus of busy American households.
She’s seen many couples married for more than 40 years who no longer connect. The Associated Press reports the Gores told friends they “grew apart ” and one of their associates said “their lives had gotten more and more separated.”
That’s very common, says Worley.
“We tell couples they need to get back to the basics. Take out your wedding album and begin to build the vision of your marriage again. Have dinner together, have dates together — just the two of you. Climb into bed at the same time at night.”
The Marriage Works! program encourages couples to begin by spending just 16 minutes each day together.
“From my experience with couples, not too many people who are sleeping together and having intimate relationships are getting divorced,” Worley adds.
She likes to invite couples to imagine two boats sitting still in the water.
“If they just sit there, what do you think the boats are going to do? They will naturally drift apart and it’s the same thing with marriage. In order to keep those two boats together, each of you needs to physically do something to encourage the boats to stay together.”
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