How to survive hearing the words, “You have cancer.”
1. Grieve over the diagnosis.
“Cancer is something to cry and scream about… at least for a little while. You will go through the stages of grief (anger, sadness, denial, acceptance, etc.) and sometimes all in the same hour.”
2. Your spouse, family and friends will help you get through it, but they cannot meet all your needs.
“Don’t blame them when they fall short in your eyes and forgive them for dumb things they may say or do.”
3. Faith is required.
“Grab hold of God’s hand for you will reach a point where your joy, peace and comfort can only come from him.”
4. Purposefully have a “cancer free” day.
“Don’t talk about cancer or at least minimize it. Do something that you normally would have done before the cancer diagnosis. Allow yourself to feel like you can have a normal day in the midst of treatments.”
5. Ask for prayers.
“We know prayer works! Ask for help when you need it. People want to help, but don’t know what to do until you ask.”
6. Allow yourself some down time and “me time” and don’t feel guilty about it!
“Read a book, engage in a hobby, watch a favorite movie, etc.”
7. Smile even when you don’t feel like it.
“Smiling is contagious to the rest of your body and will lift your spirits.”
8. Do something fun and out of the ordinary so you can get excited about the day.
“Splurge on something you have always wanted to do, try something new, etc. The possibilities are endless!”
9. Celebrate every milestone in your diagnosis and treatment as a victory in the fight against cancer.
10. Appreciate each and every day as a gift.
“Accept that you will have good days and bad days and that’s OK!” Look for the blessings and the beauty in the journey. They are there to be discovered.”
Source: Debbie McCray of Lebanon, breast cancer survivor
Today’s newspaper is dedicated to those whose lives have been touched by breast cancer. Inside today’s special edition of Life, we bring you the stories of patients, survivors and those who support them on their journey. We also take a closer look at treatment options and local resources.
For four years, we have printed an annual Pink Edition to promote awareness of this disease that impacts so many lives. Thank you, readers, for joining us in the fight.
I survived through …
Exercise
Before her breast cancer diagnosis, Brenda Clawson-Flannagan had little time for herself. After more than a year of intensive treatments, she re-evaluated her priorities and made several big life changes — including adapting a more active lifestyle.
“I worked out as hard as I could. Go hard or go home!” she said. “This was the first time in a very long time that I felt alive.”
Faith
For Cora Howard, the news that she had breast cancer came as a complete shock. Through the power of prayer and a strong faith, she persevered.
“I believe that with faith in God, all things are possible,” she said. “No matter how confused my outer circumstances become, I cannot allow them to disturb my inner faith and my attitude toward life.”
Writing
Upon diagnosis, Debbie McCray turned immediately to her pen to find strength.
“I believe that a journal for breast cancer is about being honest with yourself and with God… about the fears, about the curses of breast cancer, about the life lessons learned, about our wishes for the future and yes, about the blessings of breast cancer!” she said.
A breast cancer journey takes its toll — both physically and emotionally.
But as you’ll see in today’s special edition of Life, many women who’ve been faced with the dreaded diagnosis have discovered ways to cope with the unexpected news and remain strong and optimistic.
Although there’s no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to facing any life challenge, we hope these stories and words of advice from those who’ve been there will provide inspiration for others who are going through treatment.
We begin with profiles of three women who have found reassurance and strength in a variety of ways.
I SURVIVED CANCER THROUGH … EXERCISE
Since childhood, Brenda Clawson-Flannagan has always been extremely active — playing volleyball, swimming, running.
But by age 38, as the mother of two young boys and a full-time financial adviser, the Bethel Twp. woman was never taking any time for herself.
“I was always focused on helping those around me while letting myself go,” she said.
But on the morning of March 14, 2008, Brenda looked down in the shower and discovered that her left breast was noticeably larger than the right. After a series of tests and consultations, she learned she had Stage 3 Inflammatory Breast Cancer.
“The day I received my diagnosis, I had to wonder, would there be a tomorrow?” she asked. “The world I’d gotten myself so tangled-up in had just come to a screeching halt! I truly believe it was God’s way of telling me to slow down — or stop for that matter”
Her 15 months of treatment, she believes, forced her to do some personal evaluation and to think about what was truly important to her and her life. She made the decision to end her career and focus on being a mom and a cancer patient.
When her boys started back to school in the fall, Clawson-Flannagan met another hockey mom who owned a Curves in Troy. “She invited me to join her at the club for a workout when I was able and when my oncologist cleared me for physical activity in March of 2009, I went to my first workout.”
That day — March 23, 2009 — changed her life dramatically.
“I worked out as hard as I could. Go hard or go home!” she said. “This was the first time in a very long time that I felt alive.”
Clawson-Flannagan began working out three days a week and lost 15 pounds and 13 inches in six weeks.
“It was so simple — a strength and cardio workout rolled into one simple 30-minute circuit,” she said. “This was for me.”
In July 2009, just two weeks from her last dose of two cancer medications, she walked 60 miles in three days in Cleveland at the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Walk for a Cure. She said she felt great.
In December 2009, she purchased the Curves in Tipp City and since then has doubled the membership and moved to a larger location.
“The ladies at Curves are just as important to me as the Curves Circuit is for them,” Clawson-Flannagan said. ” We are a community of women whose focus is on getting stronger and healthier every day.
Among the club members are a number of breast cancer survivors, some referred by Clawson-Flannagan’s oncologist.
“With the boys in grade school now, I’m able to balance my time as a mom and a small business owner,” she said. “I work out at Curves three to four times per week. I run about three miles three times per week. I’m actually taking time to stop and savor life — how sweet it is!!”
I SURVIVED CANCER THROUGH … FAITH
Cora Howard describes her life as both “good and happy” in the days before she learned she had breast cancer.
The Trotwood woman, a retired teacher, was enjoying a busy schedule filled with lunch dates, meetings, social gatherings with friends and family and travel.
The lump and the diagnosis came as a shock: Stage 2B invasive breast cancer.
“My mother had six sisters, and of the seven of them none had breast cancer,” Howard said. “There was also no evidence of breast cancer on my father’s side either. This was nothing I had ever expected.”
When Howard eventually learned that the cancer was confined to her breast, she says she felt grateful and began reciting a daily Prayer of Protection:
“The light of God surrounds me
The love of God enfolds me
The power of God protects me,
The presence of God watches over me,
Wherever I am God is.”
Howard said the prayer was important because it helped her realize that it was her responsibility “to be aware of the order that is here and flow with it.”
“I gave up worrying and stressing and allowed myself to be immersed in God’s order and peace,” she explained. “I realized others have survived with this type of cancer and perhaps I can, too. There was no reason to believe that my cancer could not be controlled or cured, and miracles happen every day. Sometimes I would get very sad and helpless, but I had to pull from my inner strength and power and be patient and aware that God was with me.”
Howard, who endured chemotherapy, surgery and radiation, received a number of books that provided encouragement. One she relied on was Michael Barry’s “A Reason for Hope: Gaining Strength for Your fight Against Cancer.”
“I read this book over and over again — and still do to this day,” she said.
Howard says it’s overwhelming to think about what your body goes through during cancer treatment. She said she is certain her faith in God helped her survive, and she continues to pray for all others affected by the disease.
“I believe that with faith in God, all things are possible,” said Howard, who is currently cancer-free. “No matter how confused my outer circumstances become, I cannot allow them to disturb my inner faith and my attitude toward life.”
Howard said she is once again busy with her community, her social organizations, friends and family — including seven grandchildren. She is traveling and active at church.
“I must say there is a new normal in my life,” Howard said. “What was normal before is not anymore. I am very happy and I know that my life is a gift from God. I am forever grateful for that.”
I SURVIVED CANCER THROUGH … WRITING
People have their own individual ways for coping and for sharing the intimate thoughts in their hearts and minds, Debbie McCray said.
For the Lebanon woman, it’s all about journaling — whether in her pretty pink scrapbook or on a “blog on paper” that she calls “Conversations with God.”
“I believe that a journal for breast cancer is about being honest with yourself and with God… about the fears, about the curses of breast cancer, about the life lessons learned, about our wishes for the future and yes, about the blessings of breast cancer!” she said.
McCray first chronicled “daily lessons,” then switched to “lessons learned.”
The first page of her scrapbook is a picture of family and the message “Finding Joy in the Journey.” The last page has the messages, “I am a Survivor” and again, “Finding Joy in the Journey.”
“Journaling was my method to focus on the joy that would help me to persevere through an unwanted and unwelcome cancer diagnosis,” she said.
Here are excerpts from the first week of McCray’s journal:
DAY 1: I have breast cancer. I had to look in the mirror and see myself say it to believe it. I feel fine. I have no pain. I’m too young. Yet, I am a breast cancer statistic. The only word I want in the same sentence as cancer and my name is “survivor.”
DAY 2: So many questions. Too much information. Too many decisions to be made. Fear starts setting in again. I hope to sleep better tonight than last night. A few soft tears are shed in the middle of the night. I wonder when I will cry the big crocodile tears.
DAY 3: I started out the day mad and ended the day encouraged and at peace. My emotions are all over the place. Fear and dread. Hope and renewal.
DAY 4: Yeah, I can finally pray again. I wanted to be in prayer. It was such a longing to be held close to God in that special place of prayer. I am beginning to feel better.
DAY 7: It has only been one week, but I feel like a totally different person. I can talk about breasts, periods and self-breast exams in the everyday conversations with my boys and strangers. I never thought I could be so open about private things. I am a different person in my faith, too. I am much bolder in asking for prayer and talking about the importance of trusting God in every circumstance. God has answered prayers and showed me that my life is in his hands.
Here are two of McCray’s favorite excerpts from her “Conversations with God”
The Frenemy…
Six months into my cancer journey, I have learned that fear is my “frenemy,” my friend and enemy all wrapped up in one. Fear as an enemy is obvious. Now and then, fear of the future overwhelms me. Will the cancer come back? Will I know if it comes back? Will I live to a “ripe old age” enjoying the different seasons of life like college graduations, children’s marriages, grandkids, retirement? Fear is unsettling physically, emotionally and spiritually. It gets you in the pit of your stomach with a sick feeling. It fills your mind with doubts. … Fear doesn’t control me when I think of it as a friend, albeit that annoying friend that can get under your skin! I use this “friend” to point me to God, right where I need to be and want to be.
Number 35….
It was my very last radiation treatment, number 35. I was feeling giddy and there was a bounce in my step. When it was all done, there was another emotion. One that took me by surprise: tears, right there in the changing room. I’m not sure if they were tears of joy or tears of relief or both. I had persevered and reached the day I had been looking forward to. I received my “certificate of completion” and hugs from the radiation technicians. I know without a doubt that faith got me through. But it wasn’t just my faith. There was the faith of others to stand in the gap and pray for me when I was too tired, too grumpy or too impatient to pray. Through lots of prayers and by putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time, we can do more than what we think we’re capable of. And have a smile on our face at the finish line!
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