Q Our daughter is going to college next year but wants to live at home. We feel it’s time for her to deal with all the issues of living in a college dormitory. She doesn’t want to waste our money for room and board. Money is not an issue for us, but we don’t want to “kick her out of the house.”
A Some teens enjoy the comfort and convenience of living at home, and are a little reluctant to grow up. Tell your daughter it is time for her to begin to learn how to live on her own. Reassure her that you will be there to offer the help and support she needs. Help her identify schools that are within driving distance so that you can have frequent contact. You are not kicking her out of the house, but rather helping her to grow and mature into an independent young adult.
Q My 14-year-old son complains about visiting his mom on the weekends. He has an excellent relationship with me and his stepmom, and is very involved in school activities. He says he doesn’t have any friends at his mom’s house, and her living situation with numerous boyfriends is also disturbing. Should I force him to visit anyway?
A Let your son deal directly with his mom on this issue. He needs to explain to her why he no longer wants to maintain regular visits. While the every-other-weekend schedule may work for younger children, many teenagers develop other ways to maintain regular contact with divorced parents. It may be that shorter visits or perhaps periodic contact throughout the week better fits his schedule. While contact with his mom may be both inconvenient and distressing, in most situations it’s important that he continues working on that relationship.
Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children’s Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey.
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