Here's basically what the highly anticipated rulings said: The federal government can no longer deny gay spouses Social Security death benefits or force him or her to pay the estate tax. The high court ruled that DOMA violated equal protection by denying federal benefits to legally married gay couples who live in D.C. and 12 states where same-sex marriage is legal.
Same-sex marriage can be legalized in California, but it seems other states — Ohio included — can still make their own marriage laws.
Now that we've got that out of the way, here are five things same-sex marriage will not bring:
• Cats will not marry dogs
Felines and canines will continue to live in sin under the same rooves in family homes across America. The battle for treats continues.
• People will not be forced to participate in a gay pride parade
It is somewhat fitting that the rulings came in June, Pride Month — a time for those in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community to celebrate their history and raise awareness of issues.
Stepping out on a limb here, but these communities probably would rather not have those opposed to gay marriage competing with their floats.
• Glitter shortage
Incorrect. Investing in glitter right now would be a mistake. Gay marriages on average require only slightly more glitter than straight marriages. Glitter is plentiful.
• Our enemies will win
No they won’t. We are awesome.
• Male and female marriage will be affected
The only way same sex marriage affects oppose sex marriage is that oppose sex couples have to buy same sex couples wedding gifts.
Contact this columnist at arobinson@DaytonDailyNews.com or Twitter.com/DDNSmartMouth